Letting Go of Your Past Mistakes and Forgiving Yourself

Why is it that mistakes we’ve made just seem to haunt us? Like we just can’t leave them behind. Those who are taking my FREE 14-day online course are at the half-way point. But one topic has been particularly “sticky” for participants – Self-Forgiveness. This topic has invoked tears, released pent up guilt, and started a healing process for many of the participants. While I won’t give away what’s in the course (it’s not too late to hop on, just click HERE) I do think it’s worth sharing the importance of forgiving ourselves our sins.

We have all screwed up. We know that it’s human, but there are productive ways to handle mistakes, and unproductive ways to handle them. Let’s look at both:

When Thinking of Our Mistakes is GOOD:

  • Reflection – When we reflect on our actions and consider how we could handle future situations better, this is beneficial. This is planning for better choices in the future.
  • Lessons Learned – The lesson learned is the only (internal) price we need to pay for our mistakes. If we can see where we went wrong, and how we could have handled it better, our emotional debt has been paid.
  • Making Amends – Sometimes we hurt others, and would like their forgiveness as well. We can’t control if we are forgiven, but we always have the ability to make amends in some way. Saying “I’m sorry,” can go a long way when delivered sincerely. When this isn’t possible, there are still ways to make the world a better place. This is one reason so many speak of their wrongs publicly.  They may not be able to undo the damage they did in the past, but they can spread a positive message to try to prevent others from making the same mistake.

When Thinking of Our Mistakes is NOT GOOD:

  • Mental Beat Down – Walking around thinking how much we suck is not healthy and not even remotely productive. Okay, you screwed up, maybe in a pretty big way. Mentally berating yourself repeatedly isn’t going to change the fact that you screwed up. Pull yourself together, stop wasting time beating yourself up, and go do something good.
  • When Our Mistakes Become Our Identity – This happens. People replay their mistakes over and over on loop in their minds. This then becomes their identity. They are officially a screw-up who deserves nothing good. Then, the Power of Suggestion shows up and proves just how “right” they are in their thinking. Again, this is wholly unproductive. You are NOT your mistakes!
  • Impacted Health – I don’t think it’s news to anyone that our mental health (or unhealth) often manifest into our physical health (or unhealth). Guilt and regret take a toll on our physical health over time. The stress hormone, cortisol, courses through your veins each time you replay your transgression. Long-term effects of cortisol are dire. Stress like guilt and regret can also raise our blood pressure and put unnecessary stress on our hearts and central nervous system. All of this equals more fun visits to the doctor for you.

If you’ve done all the Good listed above and reflected on your actions, learned your lesson and will do your best to not make the same mistake again, and have made every effort to make amends, and/or make good come from it, it’s time to let it go. Seriously. Let it go. Do something productive and make the world, or your part in it, a little better. It’s time to forgive yourself and move along your journey to a better you.

In the comments section, share your thoughts on the topic and tell me which of the “GOOD” or “BAD” ways resonate most with you.

Like I said, it’s NOT TOO LATE to sign up for the FREE 14-day online course All About You – Rebuilding a Relationship with Yourself.  You’ll enjoy two weeks of daily recordings (about 15-minutes each) to start your day on topics like Toxic Relationships, Quieting Your Inner Critic, Comparing Yourself to Others, Dealing with Criticism, and more!! Click the image below to enroll!

Five Days to a Better You

While the title may sound like it, this isn’t a diet plan. So how could you be a better version of yourself in just five days, you may be wondering. By spending more time with the most fascinating, wonderful person in the world – YOU. Life gets us so distracted from ourselves. I know, that probably sounds a little crazy, but that’s exactly what happens. We get so busy focusing on others, and getting our to-do list checked off, that we forget to spend important time with ourselves. Our thoughts, our feelings, where our life is now, where we’d like it to be…things like that. Alright, alright, so what does this have to do with five days?? I’ll tell you. Shortly. First, let me describe these ideal five days for you.  If I were to plan an itinerary for you to spend time with yourself, this is what it would look like.

Day One – Owning the Fact that You’re Worthy of Love

This would be your first stop. To believe that you are actually worthy of love and happiness and good things. I’d ask you to think about your early experiences and to self-assess where your self-esteem is at. Do you feel good about yourself? Confident? I’d share interesting stories about why self-esteem is so important and where it starts and how you can improve yours. I’d strongly encourage you to think about what makes you special and wonderful. In fact, I’d require you to! Then I’d let you relax and just think about your awesomeness.

Day Two – Quieting Your Inner Critic

The next stop on your imaginary vacation with yourself would include a stop at Corporation You. This corporation includes all the “employees” who run your life, make your decisions, and help you decipher right from wrong. Kind of like your own internal Charlie & The Chocolate Factory tour. You’ve GOT the Golden Ticket! The only problem is your inner critic is being a real buzz kill. I would provide you with tips and techniques to quiet this little bugger. I would help you to keep your mistakes in perspective and not blow them out of proportion. I’d even share a video that would make you think and reflect. Then I’d give you the keys to unlock your own Personal Bragging Rights party.

Day Three – Forgiveness

On this day you’d spend time forgiving yourself for anything crappy you’ve ever done. I’d let you swim in the pool of guilt for only about 5 seconds, before dragging you over to the hot tub to relax and release all that regret. I’d probably share a personal story about a load of guilt I carried around for YEARS! Before I let you go on with your day, I’d force you to turn that frown upside down and share the lessons you gained from mistakes that are still haunting you.

Day Four – Comparing Yourself to Others

You knew this would have to be an excursion! This nasty little habit of comparing ourselves to others is a total mind game that we play on ourselves. I would make you take off those comparative glasses and replace them with some beauties that only allow you to see…well…you. I suspect I could find a real eye-opening video to share, too. I’d let you back into the deep end of the Pool of You where you could swim in all the things that make you so wonderful!

Day Five – Toxic Relationships

While you’d still be floating from all the goodness of you, I’d talk about how to handle those in your life that may be…ummm…well let’s just say it: Toxic. These fun-suckers could blow your five-day joy jam if you let them. So, I’d prepare you to deal with these. Sometimes these wolves in sheep’s clothing can be a little hard to spot, but I’d give you all the clues to see them for what they are. This is still a trip with yourself, so before I’d let you get back to whatever it is you do all day, I’d have you self-assess to be sure you aren’t contributing any bad juju to your relationships.

If only, right? Could you imagine how much it would cost to have a five-day trip like this?? Thousands maybe. Tens of thousands even.

Hold up Lovely Reader! What if I told you that you could take this trip for FREE??? Oh yeah, and what if I told you, you wouldn’t even have to take any vacation time to do it? And what if I told you that this little trip would only take up about 15 minutes of each day, but give you the rewards All. Day. Long.

How?  Ha! Ha! I’m so glad you asked!! Here’s how: By enrolling in my FREE All About You – Rebuilding a Relationship with Yourself online course! Yes, I said FREE! No gimmicks, no tricks, no fine print. It’s free. And, it’s not just a 5-day trip…it’s a 14-day trip! 2 glorious weeks of…All About You!!

There is zero risk. No one can see your stuff, you get to watch or listen to awesome content for about 15-minutes each day WHEN IT’S CONVENIENT FOR YOU! Anytime. Is 7am your time – great! 3pm? Perfect! 2am (in your underpants)? That works, too!

You get fun and free exercises to download each day, cool stories, but most importantly, a better you each day you do the inner work.

The website is user friendly – nothing fancy to worry about and help is available if you need it. Plus, you can interact with me through your comments anytime.

What are you waiting for? Sign up at http://authentic-life.thinkific.com/courses/all-about-you-rebuilding-a-relationship-with-yourself

Have questions about the course and how it works? Pop ‘em in the comments section or email me at April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com and I’ll get right back to ya!

You deserve this, so click HERE and hop on board. Your intro video is waiting for you and the official modules kick off tomorrow, July 10th!!

I hope to see you there!!

Shake Up Your Routine

Last week I was vacationing in my happy place (Ogunquit, Maine), and stepping outside my daily routine really reminded me of how much I needed to step outside my daily routine. I asked my 24-year-old son what he thought I should write about this week, and this was the topic he immediately recommended. Looks like I wasn’t the only one who needed a break from reality.

We are all busy, busy people. Running from one thing to the next. Days blur into each other, and weeks begin to look the same. Sadly, our weekends often do as well. So much work to do before the fun can begin. In a flash, we realize an entire month has flashed before our eyes. We can dig ourselves into a rut without even realizing it. The best way to counter this is to shake up our routine.

Doing something different activates different areas of your brain, namely the hippocampus which helps us improve our memory. When you do this, you widen your perspective, consider new ideas, and let the overworked areas relax for a bit – just like in a gym workout. If you have the luxury of vacation time, please don’t pass it up. Take the time to step away from your reality. Even if this is a staycation, don’t get wrapped up in a week-long honey-do list. Do something different. This year on vacation, I changed my typical vacation routine and skipped the wine (and all alcohol for that matter), and opted to not sleep in. I awoke every morning to meditate, eat a light breakfast, and take a lengthy walk. Making these changes to my usual vacation activities made me enjoy this vacation differently than previous ones. I gained a new perspective, and you can, too.

If you’re a reader consider doing something unrelated to reading, or at the very least a different genre. If you have spent too much time indoors, get yourself outside. Visit a new town, hangout with a different group of people, eat a different type of food, the possibilities are endless. But doing this simple shake up can revive and refresh you, and give you a new sense of wonder and excitement.

Not sure if you’re in a rut? Ask yourself when you last felt wonder and excitement. Ask yourself the last time you tried something new and different. Ask yourself the last time you felt refreshed and revived. If it seems forever ago, start making a list of things you could do. Your health and well-being (and even your relationships) depend on it.

Okay, short and sweet this week! Now I’d like to hear from you. What’s something new and different you’d recommend others try or is on your bucket list? Share in the comments.

If you would like to work together and develop a plan for keeping you out of a rut, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

If you’d like special offers, updates, and insider-only goodies, SUBSCRIBE to be a VIP! (It’s free and I won’t blow up your in-box!)

email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com 

How to Make Every Day a Great Day

As an unapologetic optimist, I generally have a really positive attitude starting each day. But recently, I’ve had a few First-World worries, so I have had to be more focused on good thoughts. When we are in this place of worry or frustration, it’s very easy to start noticing all the things around us that seem to be falling apart, or not working right. If we aren’t careful, we will step right into the shoes of Victim. This powerless place is no good, so I decided to take action to flip the script in my mind and set myself up for good thoughts and good outcomes.

Several days ago, I decided to challenge myself. As I got in my car to start my commute to work, I decided to watch for good things, tiny miracles, that would remind me how much goodness surrounds me. Well the Universe did not disappoint. With this “eye for good,” I noticed all sorts of wonderful things. The green traffic lights I seemed to keep getting, the unusually light traffic on my hour-plus commute, the pretty scenery on my route, the friendly wave and smile I got for letting another driver out in front of me. This continued throughout the day. Whenever I looked for goodness, as if it were hiding somewhere and I just needed to find it, it showed up. The temperature was just right for my daily walk, the leftovers I forgot about that meant I was off the hook for making dinner, the nice message I received from a student, and more. I just kept finding these treasures. Who knew that such an easy exercise would produce such glorious results??

Not long after, a classmate shared a routine she has with her young son every day. When she picks him up from school, or when they are eating dinner, they each share the best thing that happened to them that day. Simple, right? There is so much negativity in our world right now, and yet this simple act helps her and her young son to focus on the ability to always find something good. What a good practice to introduce into our day.

Lastly, what I realized in using these techniques is that by practicing them, I became more grateful and thankful. I lost count how many times I thought, “Thank you, God.” I started noticing more opportunities to be thankful. I started reflecting on how many things I have to be grateful for. And, as I’m sure you can imagine, I started worrying a lot less about those First World problems. I began to trust again that I would control what I could control, and God would take care of the rest. That’s a very freeing feeling.

Making every day a great day is not about the external events, but about our internal attitude.  This is true in all areas of our life – Career, business, relationships, and parenting. When we are on the lookout for good things, we will find them. Equally as true is when we are on the lookout for bad things. We’ll find those, too. They both exist, good and bad, but wouldn’t you rather seek out the good?

I’d love to hear from you! What’s something good that you’ve noticed today? Share in the comments.

If you would like to work together and develop a plan for looking for the good to achieve the life you desire, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

If you’d like special offers, updates, and insider-only goodies, SUBSCRIBE to be a VIP! (It’s free and I won’t blow up your in-box!)

email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com 

The Power of Your Energy

We are often entirely unaware of how we contribute to every experience in our lives. We bring an energy or vibe to every situation. If it’s positive energy, we’re more likely to have a positive experience; if it’s negative energy, we’re more likely to have a negative experience. It’s easy to forget this, though, when the situation is not one we look forward to, like going to the dentist, the auto repair shop, or the department of motor vehicle.

The other day I had to go to the DMV. Rough, right? As I was walking in, I was determined to be cheerful and pleasant, no matter how long the line was. Upon entering the building, the energy in the room was palpable. I felt like I hit an energetic wall. The line was about 15-20 people deep and this was just to get a ticket to wait some more. I overheard one employee say it was going to be about a three hour wait. Whatev, that’s how it goes. Unfortunate, but it wasn’t going to dim my energy. I was focused on adding positive energy to this place. That’s not how the lady behind me felt, however. From the moment she walked in with her friend, it was a string of negative commentary.   On and on she went about how stupid it was to wait in line to get a number only to wait some more, the insanity of having to wait so long, and how impossible it would be for her to come back tomorrow.

People like that are Energy Sucks. They suck all the good energy out of a space and replace it with negative energy. That’s what was happening to me. I kept trying to send love her way, and be patient and understanding, but as time went on, I started having negative thoughts and emotions. Energy Sucks are usually clueless about how they are impacting their own situations, let alone those around them. The stronger energy usually wins, and strength is determined largely by action. Her active narrative was overpowering my quiet inner dialogue as I lost patience with her.

There is a phenomenon called the Maharishi Effect. The story goes that in 1960, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi predicted that just 1% of a population practicing transcendental meditation would create measurable improvements to the quality of life for an entire population. The Maharishi University of Management shared, “this was put to the test under the careful scrutiny of a distinguished review board in 1993 in Washington, D.C. The maximum decrease in violent crimes was 23.3%. The statistical probability that this result could reflect chance variation in crime levels was less than 2 in 1 billion.”

Now if you want to start practicing transcendental meditation, that’s great, but my point is I don’t think that’s the only way. I think if more people in that DMV building projected positive energy, it would be a better experience for everyone. It could also have the power to turn around the Energy Sucks. And that’s where I dropped the ball. It wasn’t long before I began rolling my eyes and sighing about the Negative Nellie behind me in the DMV line. That meant I was now adding my negative energy to the room. I had an opportunity to turn around and try to chat up that lady. Turn it into a joke and get her to laugh about it and talk about something else, something positive. But I didn’t. I gave into the negative energy. I wish I hadn’t.

Think about how you contribute to your situations and how you could improve them by bringing more positivity to them. I’d love to hear your story. In the comments section, share a time your energy influenced a situation – positively or negatively.

If you would like to work together and develop a plan for using your positive energy to create a Life by Design, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

If you’d like special offers, updates, and insider-only goodies, SUBSCRIBE to be a VIP! (It’s free and I won’t blow up your in-box!)

email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com 

Are Your Goals TOO Specific?

My long-time readers know I love all things goal-oriented. But sometimes too much of a “good thing,” is not so good after all. Goals are important. We have to know what we’re striving for. However, we have to be careful that we don’t box ourselves in. If we have too much criteria in our goals, we may be setting ourselves up for disappointment.

One of the most important aspects of goal setting is having a compelling, emotional, heartfelt reason behind every goal. You must know why that goal is important to you. This step is often skipped and attention is given to other details. This is a problem because when we get so mired in the details without the emotional attachment, we start trying to control things that, quite possibly, aren’t helping us to achieve our goal and instead turn us into hamsters on a wheel.

Here’s an example: Laura wants to be in a loving, romantic relationship. She’s tired of being alone and lonely. She’s on the search for a husband who is physically fit, financially well off, likes to vacation in warm places, and enjoys reading and live music. None of that is unreasonable, right? Here’s the problem. At its essence, Laura’s goal is to be in a loving, romantic relationship. However, she has lost sight of this and instead has focused her attention on details that may not get her to her goal. Her criteria is so narrow, she may be missing out on the love of her life because he’s missing some of the qualities she’s looking for. We all have non-negotiables, and I’m not recommending we change that, but it’s important to stay focused on what’s really important.

Whether your goal is to get healthier, become more financially secure, climb the corporate ladder, or any other number of possibilities, it’s important to not get overly tangled in the “how.” Sometimes achieving our goals is not a straight and direct path. In fact, it usually isn’t. Be willing to ride some of the twists and turns that could ultimately lead you to your goal.

I know countless leaders who thought they knew what path they wanted to take, but ended up being offered other opportunities that they reluctantly accepted, only to later discover was the path that led them to their (often unknown at the time) dream job. I recently read a story about a college dropout who had no idea what to do with his life. Someone observed him working well with a group of challenged individuals and suggested that might be a great career path for him to consider.  He did, and now ten years on the job, he has climbed the ranks and loves what he does. He admits he never would have seen himself in that role if he wasn’t willing to explore and try new things.

So, no matter what your goal is, be open to the many ways you could achieve it. Life is full of surprises and we miss out on them when we are overly focused on trying to control every minute detail.

If you need to work on your goals and want to live a life by design, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

If you’d like special offers, updates, and insider-only goodies (Like this week’s Goal Checkup PDF), SUBSCRIBE to be a VIP! (It’s free and I won’t blow up your in-box!)

email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com 

The #1 Thing You Must Do to Manage Your Time

One of the leading personal challenges people face is time management. A recent survey I did put this in the top 5 list. We manage our time based on what’s important to us. We are all given the same 24 hours in a day – It’s the one fair disbursement in life. It doesn’t matter how much money you have or don’t have, no one can buy or steal even one more hour in the day.  So why then, do some people seem able to accomplish everything on their to-do list, and others can’t hardly get anything done?

Hopefully you read last week’s post on motivation. If so, you’ll recall that we are motivated by our emotions. One in particular, fear of pain, is an example. We will go to great lengths to avoid pain, but don’t seem as motivated to achieve joy. Such is the human experience. This is an important tidbit when it comes to time management though. We show up to work because of the pain we’d experience if we didn’t. Dirty looks from co-workers, a stern talking-to from the boss, job loss and loss of income are just a few of the “pains” we are trying to avoid.

All told, however, we can be motivated by things that bring us joy.  Take the latest episode of Dancing with the Stars. That was one of the most widely watched TV programs. Those viewers were likely not watching because they were trying to avoid pain. They were likely watching to gain some pleasure.

There is a common thread in both examples – showing up to work and watching a TV show. For most of us, both of those things happen at certain times. If you have to be to work at 8am, you get to work at 8am. If your show starts at 8pm, you show up to watch the show at 8pm.  If someone tries to stop you from either endeavor, say a chatty neighbor, you will probably say (or just think), “I’m going to be late!” and do your best to move them along.

Assuming you already know what it is you want to spend your time on, there is one crucial thing you MUST do to better manage your time – schedule what’s important to you. That’s it. Doing that one thing will make you more productive and more in control of managing your time. I’ll use myself as an example here. In addition to a full-time job, I have my coaching practice, and I’m attending school to complete my degree. With all of these responsibilities I have not had the time to exercise. I have repeatedly told myself (and anyone that would listen) that I just don’t have time for it. As the pounds started to add up, I said as soon as I was done in July, I could get back to a healthy routine. I just didn’t have one moment to spare. And I didn’t…until the “pain” became unbearable. I didn’t like the number on the scale, how I looked or how I felt. Guess who found some time to plan meals for healthier eating and to take time each day for some exercise? Yup, that would be me.

I knew I had to make this a priority in my life, so I began scheduling time to prepare meals one day each week. Seriously, I blocked out a chunk of time each Sunday that was non-negotiable. I began walking at the same times each day to get some physical exercise into my day, and I began tracking my food consumption at every meal. Having these scheduled activities are the only reason I’ve seen success. Authors who are writing books schedule time each day to write; Runners schedule time to run. And the list goes on. Don’t rely on the chance that you’ll have time left over at the end of your day – you likely won’t. And even if you do, are you even going to feel like doing what you need to do then? Probably not.

Now tell me, what one task will you benefit from scheduling into your day? Share in the comments.

If you would like to partner up and create a plan that will have you doing what’s truly important to you, and FINALLY living a life by design, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

If you’d like special offers, updates, and insider-only goodies, SUBSCRIBE to be a VIP! (It’s free and I won’t blow up your in-box!)

email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com 

6 Ways to Promote Yourself When You Hate Self-Promotion

The word self-promotion doesn’t exactly conjure up all sorts of positive images. “Oh yes, please tell me more about yourself…” But self-promotion is often a very important step in achieving the level of success you wish for. This is not just in the workplace – this is anywhere you need people to know what your strengths and experiences are.

Women, in particular, have a very hard time with this. We don’t want to come off as bragging, self-aggrandizing, snobs. Women also tend to dislike other women who are promoting themselves. There’s that, but that’s a blog post for another day. Despite all of these facts, self-promoting is still important and can be beneficial not just to the promoter, but to those they are promoting to as well.

“How could my self-promotion be beneficial to someone else?” Allow me to explain. When someone is promoting themselves correctly, they are doing so in order to share how they may be able to help someone else. For example, if you’re going for a job interview, you are telling the interviewer the strengths, qualities, and experiences you possess that you believe would be most beneficial to them. Sure, you want the job, but your purpose in an interview is to share what you have that will meet their needs. Of course, you can share the typical, “team player, reliable, dependable, hard-working, attention to detail” stuff, but everyone says that. You need to share your unique, specific strengths and experiences.

The question remains how to self-promote without coming across as an arrogant, self-absorbed braggart. This is easier than you think.

  • Share what you enjoy doing – Let’s say you want a senior leader to know some of your accomplishments. You can arrange to meet with them and say something like, “I wanted to share with you how much I enjoyed using my strengths to complete the ABC Project. Project planning is a true passion of mine. Combining my love of that and my strengths with team building really made this project not only successful, but fun and challenging. As you may know, I’m looking to advance within the company and would love to be a part of any future projects that would benefit from those skills.” (Boom!)
  • Talk about the team (kind of) – Share your skills and talents as a contributing piece of a team effort. For example, you could say, “I was fortunate to work with a great team when we developed that community event. The organizing and outreach skills my teammates brought, along with my marketing and public speaking skills really helped us pull off such a successful event.”
  • Ask others to share – When you ask others what their gifts are and how they most like using them, they are likely to return the question your way (like in networking events). This exchanging of information could prove valuable to both of you.
  • Be prepared with details – Once you’ve shared some of your strengths or passions, you may be asked for more details. Be prepared to share hard data. Share the specific benefit of your project, how much money you saved, how many people you served, etc.
  • Use LinkedIn – This social media tool is specifically designed to help people share their strengths and experiences so that they can connect with others who are looking for those skills. Take it a step further and write an article to share with your connections.
  • Practice – As with anything, this will get easier once you practice and create a method of self-promotion that is authentic to you.

Remember, self-promotion is simply a way to get others aware of what you have to offer, how you can help them, and that you have a willingness and desire TO help. You have ideas, experiences, skills, and opinions that are entirely unique to you. They are incredibly valuable, but only if people know what they are.

I know exactly where you can start – HERE! Share a strength, talent, or passion that you have in the comments section! What are your top three strengths/skills?

If you would like to partner up and work on self-promotion, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

If you’d like special offers, updates, and insider-only goodies, SUBSCRIBE to be a VIP! (It’s free and I won’t blow up your in-box!)

 

email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com 

7 Tips to Keep Resentment Out of Your Life

Resentment is incredibly damaging not only to relationships, but to the one carrying the resentment. What’s surprising to many is that resentment isn’t born from someone else’s behavior. Resentment comes from within and grows quickly with unspoken communication. Many a relationship has come to an end with one side relatively clueless about resentment that had been building for years. Worse, is when that resentment is never released and the one carrying it just keeps drinking its poison.

In order to eliminate resentment, we have to shine a light on it. Resentment is like “emotional mold” – it grows and thrives in dark places. The question then becomes, “How?” How can we prevent and eliminate resentment? So glad you asked!

  • Get it Out – Getting your thoughts and feelings out of your mind and out into the open will stop resentment from growing. Talk about what’s on your mind soon after it shows up for you. You can wait for a bit while you figure out the best way to communicate your feelings and concerns, but waiting too long can give resentment just the time it needs to grow. That being said, even if a lot of time has passed, once you recognize resentment, it’s time to say something. Try, “I just realized that something happened between us that is really weighing on me and I’d like to talk it out with you.”
  • Stop Replaying – Often when we feel we’ve been wronged in some way, we just keep replaying the offense. Over, and over, and over in our mind. Each time we do this, we are living it again. Our stress hormones increase as does our resentment. Bad plan.
  • Check-in with an Impartial Person – Try not to make this a friend that will agree with you just because they’re good like that. You want someone to really tell you what they think based on the facts you share. They may provide you with an alternate perspective that resolves the issue altogether.
  • Don’t Fill-in the Blanks – As we replay the offense, we fill-in some of the blanks – like why it happened, why it has a particular meaning (that we come up with). We are building a story that is largely being created in our mind. Only the offender can answer some of these.
  • Don’t Assume It’s Obvious – Often, inconsiderate behavior is so obvious to one person but not another. Assuming someone else sees things the same way we do often leads to resentment. It’s building that story again.
  • Assess How You May Have Contributed to the Situation – Could the other person have acted out of resentment towards you? Are you misinterpreting their actions? Are you being overly sensitive? Did you go into the situation with preconceived ideas that you unconsciously just needed to prove right?
  • Forgive and/or Forget – Sometimes we won’t get the answers we need. This can be very difficult, however, we have to know when to let it go. If we can muster up forgiveness, we should take this route. If the offense is too much to forgive, then work on doing your best to forget it. Neither of these is letting the offender off the hook, it’s actually letting YOU off the hook. Remember, you’re the one carrying around the weight of resentment and drinking its poison over and over.

Emotions have a shelf life before they turn into something else…like bitterness, hurt, or resentment.  You have a lot of control over whether this grows or is taken care of before it becomes an issue. It’s never too late to clean out the resentment in your life. Stop carrying around that burden so you can live a freer, happier life.

Which of these tips have you successfully used in the past? Share in the comments section.

If resentment is weighing you down and you could use some help communicating or releasing it, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

If you’d like special offers, updates, and insider-only goodies, SUBSCRIBE to be a VIP! (It’s free and I won’t blow up your in-box!)

email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com 

 

5 Steps to Becoming More Courageous

A quality that many of us wish we had more of is courage. Michael Hyatt said, “Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the willingness to act in spite of my fear.”  Some wish they had more courage when facing new situations, while others wish they had the courage to try daring new things. Still others simply wish they had the courage to communicate what they are thinking.

In order to add more courage to your cocktail of life, you are going to have to do a little work.  Unlike fear, courage isn’t an emotion – it’s an action, a behavior. Like any behavior, practice makes perfect. You have to build this muscle. Listed below are 5 steps to help you build up your strength and start living more courageously.

  1. Get clear on where you want to be more courageous – Is it standing up to a demanding boss, an outspoken friend, or stating your needs to your partner? Perhaps you want to put yourself out there to really catapult your business, step up to a leadership position, or speak at a networking function. You have to have a clear picture of where you want to exhibit this trait. You may have several different scenarios in mind, but focus on one at a time.
  2. Note all the fears associated with this situation – Now that you have a situation in mind, what are all the ways being courageous could go wrong? Seems counter-productive, I know, to go here first, but you have to know exactly what the demon you’re fighting looks like. “I’m afraid my boss will fire me if I stand up to her,” “I’m afraid my husband will get mad,” “I’m afraid people I’m speaking to will think I’m an idiot.” Seriously, write these down!
  3. Ask why – Why would that person be upset with you? Why would they react that way? Take the speaking to a group example: you’re afraid people will think you’re an idiot. Why? Because they’ve heard all this before. Well, now that you know what the problem is, you can take action (and some courage) to fix it. Ask the group leader what other speakers have presented, then you can research that speaker and ensure your content is different and exciting.
  4. Visualize – You can do this two ways. Imagine someone who would slay a situation like this, real or fictional, and picture how they would handle the situation. Or, you can visualize how you will handle the situation – confidently and courageously.
  5. Do – Practice, practice, practice. You can keep visualizing over and over and over, or you can get a buddy to help you practice, but action is necessary to build that muscle. In some cases, you can take baby steps. If you want to build up the courage to say, “no” more, start with little things and work your way up to the big ones.

Just like any other muscle, none of this is going to feel comfortable at first, but let me tell you, if you keep following these steps, they WILL become more comfortable. When you are courageous, you knock your own socks off. You will communicate better and resentment will no longer live at your place (won’t that be nice!!).

Share in the comments a time you were courageous and how that turned out for you.

If you are really serious about becoming more courageous, than an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

If you’d like special offers, updates, and insider-only goodies, SUBSCRIBE to be a VIP! (It’s free and I won’t blow up your in-box!)

 

email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com