How to Make Every Day a Great Day

As an unapologetic optimist, I generally have a really positive attitude starting each day. But recently, I’ve had a few First-World worries, so I have had to be more focused on good thoughts. When we are in this place of worry or frustration, it’s very easy to start noticing all the things around us that seem to be falling apart, or not working right. If we aren’t careful, we will step right into the shoes of Victim. This powerless place is no good, so I decided to take action to flip the script in my mind and set myself up for good thoughts and good outcomes.

Several days ago, I decided to challenge myself. As I got in my car to start my commute to work, I decided to watch for good things, tiny miracles, that would remind me how much goodness surrounds me. Well the Universe did not disappoint. With this “eye for good,” I noticed all sorts of wonderful things. The green traffic lights I seemed to keep getting, the unusually light traffic on my hour-plus commute, the pretty scenery on my route, the friendly wave and smile I got for letting another driver out in front of me. This continued throughout the day. Whenever I looked for goodness, as if it were hiding somewhere and I just needed to find it, it showed up. The temperature was just right for my daily walk, the leftovers I forgot about that meant I was off the hook for making dinner, the nice message I received from a student, and more. I just kept finding these treasures. Who knew that such an easy exercise would produce such glorious results??

Not long after, a classmate shared a routine she has with her young son every day. When she picks him up from school, or when they are eating dinner, they each share the best thing that happened to them that day. Simple, right? There is so much negativity in our world right now, and yet this simple act helps her and her young son to focus on the ability to always find something good. What a good practice to introduce into our day.

Lastly, what I realized in using these techniques is that by practicing them, I became more grateful and thankful. I lost count how many times I thought, “Thank you, God.” I started noticing more opportunities to be thankful. I started reflecting on how many things I have to be grateful for. And, as I’m sure you can imagine, I started worrying a lot less about those First World problems. I began to trust again that I would control what I could control, and God would take care of the rest. That’s a very freeing feeling.

Making every day a great day is not about the external events, but about our internal attitude.  This is true in all areas of our life – Career, business, relationships, and parenting. When we are on the lookout for good things, we will find them. Equally as true is when we are on the lookout for bad things. We’ll find those, too. They both exist, good and bad, but wouldn’t you rather seek out the good?

I’d love to hear from you! What’s something good that you’ve noticed today? Share in the comments.

If you would like to work together and develop a plan for looking for the good to achieve the life you desire, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

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5 Ways to Learn More About Yourself

All learning is important, but there is one topic that is truly more important than any other – you. Self-reflection and self-study are some of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. We often don’t realize how much we impact our experiences. Our perspectives, values, hang-ups, and insecurities greatly influence our circumstances. Being clear on our strengths and our “baggage” puts us on a path to improving our lives. When we shift the focus off external factors outside of our control (like other people), and put it on ourselves, we take back the wheel.

If you’re with me this far, you may be wondering HOW you can do this. Here are 5 ways to learn more about yourself:

  • Meditate – Even spending just 5 minutes a day observing your thoughts can provide wonderful benefits. This doesn’t have to be sitting cross-legged in a quiet corner of the house (assuming you even HAVE a quiet corner in the house!). It can be a solo car ride with nothing but your thoughts along for the ride. Observing your thoughts can reveal if you jump to worst case scenarios or take a more optimistic approach to your circumstances. It can also highlight how you speak to yourself. Are you kind and loving, or harsh and judgmental with yourself?
  • Listen for Repeat Messages – Do you keep hearing the same thing from different people? Have you been told multiple times that “you just don’t listen”? When we initially receive negative feedback, our knee-jerk reaction is often to defend ourselves. Then we stew about the entire situation, or what a jerk the other person is. The problem is, when focused on these externals, we are missing the lesson. Pay attention to these patterns and be willing to explore the possibility that there may be truth to it. Consider how your life would improve if you could improve on this.
  • Ask if the Shoe Fits – When listening to a story about another person or some hypothetical scenario, ask yourself if you do that. For example, if someone is talking about their friend and saying how she only cares about herself and never asks about anyone else, ask yourself if that “shoe” fits for you. Is that something you could be regularly guilty of? Think back to your last few conversations with others. Did you only talk about yourself and not share the conversation time?
  • Get Clear on Your Values – What are the most important “things” in your life? Your family, friends, pets, car, Saturday yoga classes, house, Coach purse collection? Make a list and then ask yourself why they are important to you. When you know what you value, it brings you closer to your deeper values. For example, the reason your family is important to you may lead to how much you value loyalty, love or acceptance. Your Coach purse collection may lead you to see how much you value self-love and treating yourself to things that make you feel good, (although it could just as easily lead you to seeing how much you value what others think of you). Either way, get to the bottom of your values and make sure that’s who you want to be.
  • Journal – When you write about your thoughts and feelings, you tend to get some questions and answers you weren’t expecting. One of the benefits of writing is that it takes those thoughts out of your head where they just continue to circle. This frees up space for your mind to come up with solutions, suggestions, and even revelations. Often, when we see our thoughts in print, it helps us to put them in a different perspective than when they are just floating around in our head.

What’s important in our self-studies is choosing what is right for us. If you are perceived as tough-minded and that’s how you WANT to be perceived, don’t change. Even if some of your feedback is negative, you’ve got to be YOU. Living a life by design is about awareness and choice. If your naughty sense of humor is important to you and isn’t holding you back from the life you want to live, change nothing. The point is to be aware of who you are so you can continue to evolve into who you want to be.

Your turn! Share in the comments section how you study, reflect, and learn about yourself.

If you would like to work together and develop a plan for using self-reflection and awareness to achieve the life you desire, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

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The Power of Your Energy

We are often entirely unaware of how we contribute to every experience in our lives. We bring an energy or vibe to every situation. If it’s positive energy, we’re more likely to have a positive experience; if it’s negative energy, we’re more likely to have a negative experience. It’s easy to forget this, though, when the situation is not one we look forward to, like going to the dentist, the auto repair shop, or the department of motor vehicle.

The other day I had to go to the DMV. Rough, right? As I was walking in, I was determined to be cheerful and pleasant, no matter how long the line was. Upon entering the building, the energy in the room was palpable. I felt like I hit an energetic wall. The line was about 15-20 people deep and this was just to get a ticket to wait some more. I overheard one employee say it was going to be about a three hour wait. Whatev, that’s how it goes. Unfortunate, but it wasn’t going to dim my energy. I was focused on adding positive energy to this place. That’s not how the lady behind me felt, however. From the moment she walked in with her friend, it was a string of negative commentary.   On and on she went about how stupid it was to wait in line to get a number only to wait some more, the insanity of having to wait so long, and how impossible it would be for her to come back tomorrow.

People like that are Energy Sucks. They suck all the good energy out of a space and replace it with negative energy. That’s what was happening to me. I kept trying to send love her way, and be patient and understanding, but as time went on, I started having negative thoughts and emotions. Energy Sucks are usually clueless about how they are impacting their own situations, let alone those around them. The stronger energy usually wins, and strength is determined largely by action. Her active narrative was overpowering my quiet inner dialogue as I lost patience with her.

There is a phenomenon called the Maharishi Effect. The story goes that in 1960, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi predicted that just 1% of a population practicing transcendental meditation would create measurable improvements to the quality of life for an entire population. The Maharishi University of Management shared, “this was put to the test under the careful scrutiny of a distinguished review board in 1993 in Washington, D.C. The maximum decrease in violent crimes was 23.3%. The statistical probability that this result could reflect chance variation in crime levels was less than 2 in 1 billion.”

Now if you want to start practicing transcendental meditation, that’s great, but my point is I don’t think that’s the only way. I think if more people in that DMV building projected positive energy, it would be a better experience for everyone. It could also have the power to turn around the Energy Sucks. And that’s where I dropped the ball. It wasn’t long before I began rolling my eyes and sighing about the Negative Nellie behind me in the DMV line. That meant I was now adding my negative energy to the room. I had an opportunity to turn around and try to chat up that lady. Turn it into a joke and get her to laugh about it and talk about something else, something positive. But I didn’t. I gave into the negative energy. I wish I hadn’t.

Think about how you contribute to your situations and how you could improve them by bringing more positivity to them. I’d love to hear your story. In the comments section, share a time your energy influenced a situation – positively or negatively.

If you would like to work together and develop a plan for using your positive energy to create a Life by Design, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

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5 Ways to be Kinder to Our Future Self

I have to admit, I’m not always kind to my future self. I have such high expectations of the future me, but if I’m not careful, I will set her up to fail. As much as I value being present in the now and seizing the moment, one thing is certain: we tend to cut our current self a break and just expect that our future self will pick up the slack. This is true with diet, exercise, finances, work, and more. If you’ve ever skipped that workout, stopped the 401k contribution, eaten that donut, or bought that item just outside your budget, while comforting yourself with the idea that your future self would be better, than you know exactly what I’m talking about.

This reminds me of a common issue in retail. The evening shift employees would often say, if the morning team would just do their part, we wouldn’t have to work so hard to get everything done before closing, while the day shift employees would say the same about the evening crew.  I imagine my future self saying this. In fact, it’s happened. The me that started dieting would often ask, “why didn’t you start this sooner or skip all that crap food in the first place?” Those with college-bound kids often experience something similar. Those 50 and older do too, when they see the balance in their retirement accounts. Their future self is much closer, and they can see the difficulties that await them.

So how can we be kinder to our future self while still living in the moment? Here are 5 ways:

  1. Be clear on what you want your future self to look like – This is less about goals and more about vision. This will also change, so consider the future versions of yourself in 5 year increments. Break down what you want for the future you 5 years from now, 10 years from now, and so on. Your needs will change, so you want to take those into consideration.
  2. Come up with a plan – Once you know what you want for your future self, you can create a plan that supports this vision every day. If you want to pay off your $3000 credit card bill so that the future you can start saving for a new car, make a list of all the little things you could do to support this every day. Even if you don’t accomplish all of them, you will still feel like you made some progress (which makes the current you feel good).
  3. Create space to live in the present – This means giving yourself some sort of allowance to enjoy the now. If that means eating a donut, skipping a workout or buying a treat, that’s fine, but be very clear about the rules. Be specific about how often, how much, how many, etc. Then stick to your own rules.
  4. React to procrastination – I know procrastination by its very nature is NOT reacting. If you find yourself procrastinating your diet and putting it off until Monday (again), it’s likely you’re feeling overwhelmed and that’s why you’re procrastinating. This is a sure sign that either your plan is too aggressive or you are focused on too much at once. Take small steps towards accomplishing what you need to and alter your plan if necessary.
  5. Write yourself a note from your future self – I know this sounds a little woo-woo, but this can be a great technique. Imagine you are now your future self and you are enjoying the life you had hoped for. As the future version of yourself, write a thank you note acknowledging the work, sacrifice, and challenges that the current you did. Be very specific. You can say something like, “Dear Current Self, thank you for working those extra shifts even when it meant missing out on some fun activities like the annual family picnic. Because of your sacrifices over those six months, I now don’t have to worry about bill collectors calling and stressing me out. I just wanted you to know your efforts paid off.” Then re-read this note whenever you need a little motivation to push through a tough moment.

It’s important to enjoy the moment now, but it’s also really helpful to not slack off and leave all the hard work up to our future selves.

In the comments section, share one thing you can do today that will support your future self.

If you would like to work together and develop a plan for the Future You, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

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Are Your Goals TOO Specific?

My long-time readers know I love all things goal-oriented. But sometimes too much of a “good thing,” is not so good after all. Goals are important. We have to know what we’re striving for. However, we have to be careful that we don’t box ourselves in. If we have too much criteria in our goals, we may be setting ourselves up for disappointment.

One of the most important aspects of goal setting is having a compelling, emotional, heartfelt reason behind every goal. You must know why that goal is important to you. This step is often skipped and attention is given to other details. This is a problem because when we get so mired in the details without the emotional attachment, we start trying to control things that, quite possibly, aren’t helping us to achieve our goal and instead turn us into hamsters on a wheel.

Here’s an example: Laura wants to be in a loving, romantic relationship. She’s tired of being alone and lonely. She’s on the search for a husband who is physically fit, financially well off, likes to vacation in warm places, and enjoys reading and live music. None of that is unreasonable, right? Here’s the problem. At its essence, Laura’s goal is to be in a loving, romantic relationship. However, she has lost sight of this and instead has focused her attention on details that may not get her to her goal. Her criteria is so narrow, she may be missing out on the love of her life because he’s missing some of the qualities she’s looking for. We all have non-negotiables, and I’m not recommending we change that, but it’s important to stay focused on what’s really important.

Whether your goal is to get healthier, become more financially secure, climb the corporate ladder, or any other number of possibilities, it’s important to not get overly tangled in the “how.” Sometimes achieving our goals is not a straight and direct path. In fact, it usually isn’t. Be willing to ride some of the twists and turns that could ultimately lead you to your goal.

I know countless leaders who thought they knew what path they wanted to take, but ended up being offered other opportunities that they reluctantly accepted, only to later discover was the path that led them to their (often unknown at the time) dream job. I recently read a story about a college dropout who had no idea what to do with his life. Someone observed him working well with a group of challenged individuals and suggested that might be a great career path for him to consider.  He did, and now ten years on the job, he has climbed the ranks and loves what he does. He admits he never would have seen himself in that role if he wasn’t willing to explore and try new things.

So, no matter what your goal is, be open to the many ways you could achieve it. Life is full of surprises and we miss out on them when we are overly focused on trying to control every minute detail.

If you need to work on your goals and want to live a life by design, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

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Being Strong

Mother’s Day 2016

Today is Mother’s Day. That’s a special day every year, of course. But for me, this day holds something more.

Today marks one year since losing my mother. This year has had so many bright moments and successes, and yet, it’s been incredibly difficult to fully enjoy those, while being only too aware that my mom wasn’t here to enjoy them with me. There have been countless moments of tears and sadness mixed with memories that I cherish so very much. This week I have chosen to write about being strong. If you have ever struggled with being strong or feel you’ve failed in this, please read on.

I think about when someone posts something on Facebook about a challenge they are facing, or a loved one they are concerned about, and almost without fail, someone will write, “Be strong.” I have always wondered what that meant. Does it imply that the person should keep a “stiff upper lip” and forge ahead? Does it mean they should keep their emotions in check and not “break down?” I don’t think so. I think when someone says, “be strong,” they mean, “have faith.” That makes more sense to me. But more on this later.

About two months after my mom passed, we had a graduation party for my daughter. As a family member was leaving, she recalled a conversation she had recently had with another family member and shared with me for several minutes how amazed and impressed they both were with…how strong my sister was throughout the wake and funeral for my mom. They just couldn’t get over how composed she was and how well she kept herself together. They were very impressed with her. I listened to this for several minutes trying to figure out why she was telling me this. I’m not really sure if I even responded. I just knew I felt incredibly wounded by the conversation.

I felt wounded, not because my sister was strong, but because I felt I was being admonished for seeming not to be. Sure, I let my emotions show. I cried when I felt like crying. I could barely carry on a phone conversation with others without sniffling through most of it. I hugged my kids a lot, as they were heavily grieving the loss of a grandmother who was part of their every accomplishment since their birth. I was quiet, and lived inside my head and heart a lot during this time. But I never lost faith. I saw the blessings that existed, even in this time of losing and missing her. I was grateful for what I had and cried as much out of gratitude as I did out of sadness. Despite all of this, I did what needed to be done, I didn’t hide my face in my hands and leave the details and tough tasks up to others.

Here’s my point – Once I was done hyper-analyzing that entire conversation, which included periods of time where I questioned if I should have been stronger, I realized something: Strength is on the inside.

Strength is not measured by the number of tears NOT shed, but by the level of pain experienced while continuing on.

Strength is not measured by how well someone can hide their pain, but by how well they don’t let their pain steal their goodness.

If you have ever felt you were not strong because you showed emotion or had to force yourself to show up, please reframe that. If someone tells you to “be strong,” take that to mean that they are encouraging you to do your best, whatever that looks like, and to have faith that you will be okay. Take that to mean they want you to know they have faith that the pain or worry you are experiencing now will subside and will not change the beautiful parts of you.

Know you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. My mom never gave herself enough credit for the strength she did possess. She loved, and laughed; she was flawed, and imperfect; and she was strong. If you know a mom, or anyone else that needs to reframe their idea of “being strong,” do them a favor and share this post with them.

Please comment “I’m Strong” in the comments section.

 

If you need help finding more of your strength and leveraging it, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

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The #1 Thing You Must Do to Manage Your Time

One of the leading personal challenges people face is time management. A recent survey I did put this in the top 5 list. We manage our time based on what’s important to us. We are all given the same 24 hours in a day – It’s the one fair disbursement in life. It doesn’t matter how much money you have or don’t have, no one can buy or steal even one more hour in the day.  So why then, do some people seem able to accomplish everything on their to-do list, and others can’t hardly get anything done?

Hopefully you read last week’s post on motivation. If so, you’ll recall that we are motivated by our emotions. One in particular, fear of pain, is an example. We will go to great lengths to avoid pain, but don’t seem as motivated to achieve joy. Such is the human experience. This is an important tidbit when it comes to time management though. We show up to work because of the pain we’d experience if we didn’t. Dirty looks from co-workers, a stern talking-to from the boss, job loss and loss of income are just a few of the “pains” we are trying to avoid.

All told, however, we can be motivated by things that bring us joy.  Take the latest episode of Dancing with the Stars. That was one of the most widely watched TV programs. Those viewers were likely not watching because they were trying to avoid pain. They were likely watching to gain some pleasure.

There is a common thread in both examples – showing up to work and watching a TV show. For most of us, both of those things happen at certain times. If you have to be to work at 8am, you get to work at 8am. If your show starts at 8pm, you show up to watch the show at 8pm.  If someone tries to stop you from either endeavor, say a chatty neighbor, you will probably say (or just think), “I’m going to be late!” and do your best to move them along.

Assuming you already know what it is you want to spend your time on, there is one crucial thing you MUST do to better manage your time – schedule what’s important to you. That’s it. Doing that one thing will make you more productive and more in control of managing your time. I’ll use myself as an example here. In addition to a full-time job, I have my coaching practice, and I’m attending school to complete my degree. With all of these responsibilities I have not had the time to exercise. I have repeatedly told myself (and anyone that would listen) that I just don’t have time for it. As the pounds started to add up, I said as soon as I was done in July, I could get back to a healthy routine. I just didn’t have one moment to spare. And I didn’t…until the “pain” became unbearable. I didn’t like the number on the scale, how I looked or how I felt. Guess who found some time to plan meals for healthier eating and to take time each day for some exercise? Yup, that would be me.

I knew I had to make this a priority in my life, so I began scheduling time to prepare meals one day each week. Seriously, I blocked out a chunk of time each Sunday that was non-negotiable. I began walking at the same times each day to get some physical exercise into my day, and I began tracking my food consumption at every meal. Having these scheduled activities are the only reason I’ve seen success. Authors who are writing books schedule time each day to write; Runners schedule time to run. And the list goes on. Don’t rely on the chance that you’ll have time left over at the end of your day – you likely won’t. And even if you do, are you even going to feel like doing what you need to do then? Probably not.

Now tell me, what one task will you benefit from scheduling into your day? Share in the comments.

If you would like to partner up and create a plan that will have you doing what’s truly important to you, and FINALLY living a life by design, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

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How to Get Motivated

One of the most common challenges I hear when someone is looking to improve an area of their life is they just don’t have the motivation. So instead of doing what they know they need to, they wait…and wait…and wait. As soon as motivation shows up, they will be ready. But here’s the thing. It’s not motivation’s job to show up. It’s your job to go get it. Think about Nike. Is their slogan, Do It When You Want To? Nope. It’s Just Do It! Whether you want to or not. You know you need to, you know it would help you achieve your goal. So Just Do It!

Of course, if it were that easy, I could end the post right there, but it’s not. So how do you find motivation? Where does motivation hang out? Motivation has some friends, and often, if you find them, they will lead you right to the boss.

  • Threat – That’s right. One of motivation’s closest companions is Threat. When pain (or threat of pain) seems eminent, motivation seems to show right up. Many a cancer scare has caused people to quit smoking. When we feel threatened, either of losing something we value or not getting something we want (like a promotion), we suddenly find what we’ve been looking for all along.
  • Habit – When you get into the habit of doing something, motivation tends to slide right in, almost undetected. Start some good habits that will lead you to accomplishing your goal. When you get into good habits, you don’t need to think about it anymore – you’re just doing it.
  • The Feels – Good ol’ emotions. Emotions are what drive us, not our logical thoughts. Get your feelings involved in the search for motivation. Why would accomplishing your goal make you happy? Why would not accomplishing your goal make you mad or sad? Get deep here and really paint a picture with just how happy/mad/sad you would be.
  • Peer Pressure – Announce your goals to all your friends, family, and especially your enemies. Doing so will arm you with a bunch of accountability buddies. You tell everyone you’re cutting sugar out of your diet, there’s a good chance you won’t want to be seen at the local ice cream shop.
  • Planning – Schedule time to do what you need to do, and try to schedule it during your peak time. For example, I am most productive in the morning, so if there are things I know I have to get done, but may not feel like it, I put it on the top of my list. If we do what we need to do only if there is time left over at the end of the day, there’s a good chance it won’t get done.
  • Progress – When we start making progress, motivation tends to show up. If you have a goal to lose 20lbs, those first few lost pounds can really give us the momentum we need to keep on keepin’ on.
  • Reward – Rewarding yourself for milestones reached on your path to goal achievement is a great way to see motivation. Creating mini-goals along the way and planning a reward that you can get excited about will help keep motivation around.

There you have it. 7 ways to get motivation to visit you more. Now don’t just sit there…leave a comment about what your goal is, then get moving and Just Do It!

If you would like to partner up and create a plan that will have you feeling motivated, making progress, and FINALLY accomplishing that goal, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

If you’d like special offers, updates, and insider-only goodies, SUBSCRIBE to be a VIP! (It’s free and I won’t blow up your in-box!)

email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com 

7 Questions to Help You Transform Your Life

This is another time of year filled with holidays and observances. Christians are celebrating Easter; Jewish people are celebrating Passover; and just about all of us are celebrating the long-awaited arrival of Spring. Regardless of your religious beliefs, all three of these occasions share a common theme: Transformation.

Easter signifies the resurrection, or coming back to life after death, of Jesus.  Passover commemorates the freedom Jews could finally enjoy after God freed them from slavery in Egypt. Spring is celebrated for the new growth it is beginning to provide for us.

I hope whichever of these you are celebrating, you are able to do so with those you love. That includes you. If you are alone, you are still in wonderful company! For this time of transformation, I’d like to provide some questions of reflection for you to consider today and throughout the week:

  • How would you like to transform your life?
  • What parts of you or your life need to be “brought back to life?”
  • What parts of you and your life need to be freed from others’ control?
  • What’s something you’d like to see grow and expand in your life?
  • How would you have to change in order to have that kind of transformation?
  • How much more fulfilled would you be if you could make that change happen?
  • What is one small step you could take that would bring you closer to that transformation?

Meditate or pray for guidance on these questions and how you answered them. Close your eyes and visualize how your life would look if you achieved this transformation. Imagine your confidence, your energy, your happiness with this transformation. Then give thanks for all you have right now. Your experiences, thoughts, wishes, ideas, and knowledge are all clues and keys to achieving what you want to achieve. You need only believe that if you seek, you shall, indeed, find.

I wish you a very happy celebration of transformation, whatever that may look like for you!!

If you wish, I’d love to see you share some thoughts on transformation in the comments section.

If you would like to partner up and get some support on transforming into the best version of yourself, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

If you’d like special offers, updates, and insider-only goodies, SUBSCRIBE to be a VIP! (It’s free and I won’t blow up your in-box!)

email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com 

7 Tips to Keep Resentment Out of Your Life

Resentment is incredibly damaging not only to relationships, but to the one carrying the resentment. What’s surprising to many is that resentment isn’t born from someone else’s behavior. Resentment comes from within and grows quickly with unspoken communication. Many a relationship has come to an end with one side relatively clueless about resentment that had been building for years. Worse, is when that resentment is never released and the one carrying it just keeps drinking its poison.

In order to eliminate resentment, we have to shine a light on it. Resentment is like “emotional mold” – it grows and thrives in dark places. The question then becomes, “How?” How can we prevent and eliminate resentment? So glad you asked!

  • Get it Out – Getting your thoughts and feelings out of your mind and out into the open will stop resentment from growing. Talk about what’s on your mind soon after it shows up for you. You can wait for a bit while you figure out the best way to communicate your feelings and concerns, but waiting too long can give resentment just the time it needs to grow. That being said, even if a lot of time has passed, once you recognize resentment, it’s time to say something. Try, “I just realized that something happened between us that is really weighing on me and I’d like to talk it out with you.”
  • Stop Replaying – Often when we feel we’ve been wronged in some way, we just keep replaying the offense. Over, and over, and over in our mind. Each time we do this, we are living it again. Our stress hormones increase as does our resentment. Bad plan.
  • Check-in with an Impartial Person – Try not to make this a friend that will agree with you just because they’re good like that. You want someone to really tell you what they think based on the facts you share. They may provide you with an alternate perspective that resolves the issue altogether.
  • Don’t Fill-in the Blanks – As we replay the offense, we fill-in some of the blanks – like why it happened, why it has a particular meaning (that we come up with). We are building a story that is largely being created in our mind. Only the offender can answer some of these.
  • Don’t Assume It’s Obvious – Often, inconsiderate behavior is so obvious to one person but not another. Assuming someone else sees things the same way we do often leads to resentment. It’s building that story again.
  • Assess How You May Have Contributed to the Situation – Could the other person have acted out of resentment towards you? Are you misinterpreting their actions? Are you being overly sensitive? Did you go into the situation with preconceived ideas that you unconsciously just needed to prove right?
  • Forgive and/or Forget – Sometimes we won’t get the answers we need. This can be very difficult, however, we have to know when to let it go. If we can muster up forgiveness, we should take this route. If the offense is too much to forgive, then work on doing your best to forget it. Neither of these is letting the offender off the hook, it’s actually letting YOU off the hook. Remember, you’re the one carrying around the weight of resentment and drinking its poison over and over.

Emotions have a shelf life before they turn into something else…like bitterness, hurt, or resentment.  You have a lot of control over whether this grows or is taken care of before it becomes an issue. It’s never too late to clean out the resentment in your life. Stop carrying around that burden so you can live a freer, happier life.

Which of these tips have you successfully used in the past? Share in the comments section.

If resentment is weighing you down and you could use some help communicating or releasing it, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of the complimentary strategy session!

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email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com