When the Voice Saying ‘You Suck’ is Yours

We have a big problem people.  I say “we” because even if you aren’t afflicted with this deficiency, I guarantee that you’re affected by someone who is.  Someone lacking in this vital element is missing out on a happy, healthy and hopeful life.  This element is Confidence.  Not the “fake it til you make it” kind.  I mean the true, “I’m flawed, but I’m awesome” kind.

Every human being deserves to feel confident, happy, healthy and hopeful!  There are two main types of Confidence Deficiencies.  There are the Self- Saboteurs who I’ll discuss this week and the Secret Keepers who I’ll discuss next week.   I will list the most common symptoms each type possesses to help you better identify if you or someone you know suffers from a Deficiency.

The Self-Saboteurs are very easy to spot and are less of a threat to others.   They are, however, a significant threat to themselves.  The most common symptoms include: negative comments about self to others, self-pity, and over-explaining decisions made in anticipation of another’s criticism.  They frequently use sentences that include, “I’m too…” or “I don’t…”  Here are some examples:

  •  When asked to go to the beach, Self-Saboteur will reply, “No thanks, I get too many autograph requests from people thinking I was the whale in ‘Free Willy’!” (Often said with a chuckle or smile).
  •  When a friend suggests they apply for a great job, Self-Saboteur will reply, “I’d love that job, but I don’t have the formal education I’ll bet the other applicants do.”
  •  When a co-worker says, “Hey Lisa, thanks for that report…” Self-Saboteur may interrupt by saying, “I’m sorry it took so long, but I’m a total tool when it comes to that software…”

This negative speak continually reinforces how much they suck.  They have convinced themselves that they are just saying out loud what the other person is thinking.  While self-deprecating humor can be funny and show humility, these folks take it to the extreme.  It’s bad enough when you have to be around Mean Girls or Mean Guys, but to have one living in your head, speaking in your own voice…Oy vey!

Self-Saboteurs create their own self-fulfilling prophecies.  They give others permission to criticize, demean and view them as less valuable and less deserving of good things.  Unfortunately, some people will take them up on this offer.  Self-Saboteurs may find their personal relationships verbally or physically abusive, or they so exhaust their partner and friends, that eventually those people bow out of the relationship.  At work, Self-Saboteurs may sabotage their own career growth as they make statements that make others doubt their ability to do more.  Often times, these people battle depression and/or addiction.

So what’s the remedy?  If you can identify with being a Self-Saboteur, then you have to start by being nice to yourself.  When coaching Self-Saboteurs, I often have them start each day with a sentence that begins with, “I am awesome at ____________”.  No repeating sentences, it must be posted somewhere visible throughout the day and it must be done every day for 30 days.

If you know a Self-Saboteur and want to help them, try to stop them in their tracks.  I’ve found it effective to frown at their self-loathing and sternly say, “That’s not very nice!”   You could follow that up with a sincere compliment.  For instance, if a visibly overweight Self-Saboteur say’s “I’m a big fatty”, don’t reply with “I think you’re skinny”, but if you sincerely think their curves are beautiful, say so.  You could also follow up your statement by saying “I don’t like when you put yourself down like that, because I think you’re a nicer person than that.”

Remember, these people didn’t become deficient overnight, so it will take time to get them to start viewing their positive qualities.  Continue discouraging their mean talk and take the time to point out their positive qualities as you see them.  If you or someone you know is struggling with this I know a great life coach who would be happy to help 😉

I’d love to hear your comments on this topic, so please share your perspective below.  Stay tuned for next week’s Secret Keeper symptoms and remedies!

Finding Your Spiritual Mojo

As a child, I was very “spiritual”.  Still am.  While my parents instilled good values in me, they weren’t church going folk.  As a child, I wanted to be a nun.  To be fair, I also wanted to be a firewoman, mom, teacher, wife, truck driver, and even toyed with the idea of being a prostitute (I thought they just hugged people for money).

Upon starting a family, I became very active in church.  I taught Sunday school, sang in the choir, joined the “reading group” and took the family on week-long church sponsored summer retreats.  Despite all this, I never felt truly connected.

Coming to this sad realization, I went on a journey to learn about the other major religions and try to rediscover my spiritual mojo.  I learned about Judiasm, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and even more about Christianity.  I was surprised at how many historical facts, virtues and morals overlapped between the religions.  There were many similarities.  There were also many rules.

I struggled with aspects of each religion in one way or another and recounted how some of these seemingly unimportant rules affected me.  For instance, when in my twenties, I attended a funeral and after receiving bread and wine, I was reprimanded by a co-worker who told me that in the Catholic Church, only Catholics are allowed to receive.  Oh…my bad.

I never lost faith or thought that God didn’t exist.  Ultimately what I came to believe is that the religions I’m familiar with and the books they follow were written and designed by man.  I just can’t help but to see some human motivation for some of the rules that exist within religions.  The idea that we have religions that preach hate, and intolerance, a la Westboro Baptist Church, make me doubt that this is God’s design.

I’m not saying I’m right, that’s the point of faith.  We don’t KNOW, we just BELIEVE.  However, after spending years ruminating over the whole religious thing, and feeling guilty and bad for not “belonging”, I choose to practice the good in every religion.  I choose to try really hard to always be nice and kind and loving and accepting.  To not judge, condemn or hate.  Call me crazy, but that’s what I believe God intended.

I think God is way too big to fit into some little man-made label.  That being said, the churchgoers I know are kind, loving, generous people who are practicing what they believe is right and I don’t begrudge them that.   I just would hate for someone to think that if they don’t believe in one, than they believe in none.  Take the good, leave the rest.  Focusing on our differences is so unproductive.  If we focus on our similarities, I’m bettin’ there’d be more peace in the world.

Have you ever struggled with this topic?  Share in the comments section below how you found your spiritual mojo.

Immigrants and Roller Coasters

This week I was going to write about my views on immigrants.  Due to all the political hoopla that surrounded the topic I opted instead to focus more on a universal emotion.  Originally, I wanted to highlight who these immigrants are and why they leave their countries to come here.  I considered the emotion they must feel when arriving in an unfamiliar place and then I thought about roller coasters.  Huh?

I try to walk in the emotional shoes of others to better understand them.  So what emotion connects immigrants and roller coasters? Vulnerability. (It’s all making sense now, isn’t it?) Both of these situations take a lot of control from you.  There are more questions than answers.  Yet, despite the uncertainty, the risk of failure or loss or pain.  There’s equal risk of joy, success and pleasure.

If you’re still here, thanks, I know it was a crazy wind-up!

WARNING: PROFOUND STATEMENT APPROACHING!!  To be your best, most authentic self, you have to be willing to be vulnerable. A lot.  It means you have to be willing to admit that you’re scared or need help, or tell someone you love them, even if you don’t know if they can reciprocate the emotion.  You have to be willing to do this over and over again.

For me ‘vulnerable’ is synonymous with ‘brave’.  To be (not just feel) vulnerable, you have to be brave.  That’s exactly how I feel on roller coasters.  I don’t like them and I have the face of Quasimodo in EVERY picture taken at the peak of each one.  But I’m brave and I go on them every year in all my homely glory.

I am surrounded by brave people who openly share their vulnerabilities.  But I’m also surrounded by others who see vulnerability as a weakness and I can assure you, it’s holding them back from truly enjoying their life to its fullest.  Is it scary being vulnerable? Hell to the Yeah!! You could be wrong, or embarrassed or hurt, but you know what? Do it anyway!

When you truly put yourself out there, not only are you closer to your true and authentic self, but you’re making it okay for anyone watching you, to be as well.

Next time you are around a person who is clearly vulnerable, why don’t you show ‘em a little love?  Then tell them how brave they are.  Maybe it’ll be an immigrant or a roller coaster rider or maybe it’ll even be you…

This Authentic Life blog and business is a vulnerable pursuit for me and I thank you for giving me a little love each week.  Oh, and I love you…even if you don’t love me back! <3

Do you have a story about a vulnerable moment and how sharing it helped?  Comment below oh brave one.

Is The Declaration of Independence the Answer to Our Problems?

On July 4th, 1776 The Declaration of Independence was signed, freeing us of control by the Kingdom of Great Britain. In today’s post, I will be sharing what the most famous line on that document means to me in the present day and age.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

“…that all men are created equal…”

This would include:  Women (I believe ‘men’ is short for mankind, not identification of gender), Gay men, Black men, Christian men, Muslim men, Poor men, Democratic men, ALL MEN.

“…that they are endowed by their Creator…”

THEIR Creator.  Not my Creator, not your Creator, but their creator.  Whether they call their Creator God, Allah, apes or the Universe.

“…certain unalienable Rights…”

Unalienable =  inalienable =  absolute; cannot be transferred or sold or taken by anyone else.

“…among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Every life is valuable and important.

Every life should enjoy freedom from arbitrary or tyrannical government or control.

The pursuit of Happiness is entirely subjective to each individual, so long as it doesn’t violate the other two rights. (In case you happen to be debating this line with a rapist or child molester)

I think of all the Hot Topics being discussed right now and feel like this is a good reminder for all of us.  I believe this statement could solve so many debates and questions right now.  Same-Sex Marriage is a perfect example.  How we interact with other countries is another.  If this is what we believe, then shouldn’t we believe it for everyone in the world?  Not just Americans.  If we believe this and live by this then aren’t ALL of us in the world created equal?  Don’t we ALL have the right to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness?  Shouldn’t we believe this even if we are dealing with someone else who doesn’t?  Isn’t that called “Integrity”?  Just wondering.

I’d love for you to share what The Declaration of Independence means to you in the “Comments” section.  The cool part is you don’t have to agree with me, that’s your right too.  Either way, have a Happy Independence Day!!

Where Do You Go to Meet Your Soul?

Ahhhh… While my VIP’s know exactly why I’m doing that, some of you may not.  I just returned from vacation at my Happy Place.  “Happy Place” (aka Ogunquit, Maine) is where I find my serenity.  When I’m there I revel in the beauty of nature.  The ocean, in all its awesomeness; The sun, in all its magnificence; I am not even remotely concerned with how I look because nothing could compare to the beauty of this place.

While here, I explore the caverns of my soul.  Deep, I know, but really, I am more introspective than normal (which is saying a lot).  It is in this place that I feel I am most able to hear God’s message to me.  I contemplate my purpose.  Not my purpose for myself, but my purpose for the world.  Am I doing enough to truly leave this world a better place than I found it?  (I tend to come up short here).  I think of all the little things I could do if I paid more attention to the bigger picture and less to the day-to-day hustle and bustle that ultimately adds up to so very little.  I ask myself and honestly answer where I’ve fallen short in staying true to who I am.  I consider ways I could love others better.

The vibe of this place screams “LIFE”.  The ocean is alive, the air is alive, the sun and moon are alive and of course the shops and sidewalks are alive with people.  Despite my best efforts, nothing I purchase here will truly capture the feeling.  Because the feeling doesn’t come from “things”, it comes from “life”.

Upon arrival, it is completely unnecessary to use your vehicle again until you leave (assuming you are comfortable walking short distances).  While we did drive to a nearby miniature golf course and the nearby town of Kennebunkport, it wasn’t necessary.  All necessities can be found throughout the town.  There are typical gift shops and boutiques, countless restaurants with menus to please the youngest to the most mature taste buds and prices to match.  The locals are welcoming and informative but it’s the sights that will likely get ya.

Before this post becomes too infomercial-like, I’d like to reiterate that what I love most about this place is me.  My authentic self.  My true, non-judgmental, how-can-I-be-better self.  My flawed yet perfect self.  Not because I’m the Best ME, but because I’m TRYING to become the best me.  I’ve created a video montage for you (because even when I’m on vacation I’m thinking of you!)  If you choose to watch it, make sure your sound is on as the sound effects will help you enjoy your virtual visit.  Clicking this link will bring you to the YouTube video I created, ENJOY!   Happy Place 2013

If you’d like to learn more, check out the site at www.ogunquit.org

In the comments section, I’d love to know what your Happy Place brings you and your soul.  I hope you’ll share in the comments section below.

Being Unapologetically You

Isn’t it ironic that as adults we think how ridiculous we were to worry so much about what other people thought of us when we were teenagers? Yet, as adults, we too, tend to worry about what other people think of us? As if every person we speak to is testing our ability in a particular area? We speak or behave in a particular way to ‘prove’ we are good parents, good friends, good son’s or daughter’s, good neighbors, smart, worldly, funny, professional, self-controlled, free-spirited, playful, serious, happy, sad…I’m exhausted. How can we BE all of those things? WE CAN’T!!!

Good Lord, stop trying to run all those races!! It’s not a contest!! You are humanly perfect. That is not a contradiction. There is no one else in the whole wide world exactly like you. There never was and there never will be again. Just. Be. You. …Unapologetically. The people I’ve loved the most in my life have been the one’s that ‘be’ themselves, without apology, with all their faults, in all their crazy glory!

Be kind, be loving, but be YOU! Your authentic you is the best ‘you’. Stop trying to be someone else, or please someone else. When you are fully you, you will attract those who appreciate what makes you different and special and unique. You’re missing out on those relationships by trying to fit into someone else’s mold.

If you’re pretending to be someone that you’re not, the people that fall for you aren’t really falling for you. They are falling for the person you are pretending to be. That knowledge will continue to make you feel like crap! But when you are being your true, authentic self and people gravitate towards you (and they will, I promise!) you will feel like the Rockstar you truly are. You ARE special, You ARE important, You ARE unique, You ARE AWESOME!

Why on earth would you try to hide your awesomeness? You think math is cool? You think farts are funny? You looovvvvvveee Scrabble? You have 11 cats? You look like a homeless person when you wake up? You’re emotionally constipated? You buy all your clothes from consignment shops? You use sarcasm as a shield? You need to be held when you have nightmares? You are overweight, fashion unconscious or introverted? God I love you!! Let your FREAK FLAG FLY!!!

Rock on with your Bad Self!! Again, be kind, be loving, but BE YOU!! Tell me in the comments section something that makes ‘you’, unapologetically ‘you’. Shout it from the rooftops, because I think you’re awesome!

26 Ideas to Make the World a Better Place

I am purposely posting this on May 26th ‘cuz I’m clever like that!  Not only does the date coincide with the message, but it’s MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND.  This is a great time to remember all those who have passed before us and remind us just how precious life is.  As mentioned in last week’s post, I, and my former classmates were horrified at the events of December 14, 2012 in Sandy Hook, CT.  Once the fog of grief started to lift, the resilience of the families affected, and the community as a whole, inspired me to find the good that can come out of even the most tragic of circumstances.

Ann Curry started a project of committing 26 Random Acts of Kindness to honor the 26 lives lost.  While numerous worthwhile projects were born from this tragedy, this project helped quantify the good that still exists in the human spirit.

Check out (and “Like”) the Facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/26acts for more about this ongoing project.  Stories are shared to encourage and report wonderful examples of people doing simple acts that serve to restore faith in humanity.

There are so many awesome ways individuals can spread a little joy.  Here are 26 of my favorites:

  • Personally thank a veteran this weekend
  • Buy 26 roses and hand them out to random people that look like they need a little love
  • Create care packages for homeless people (hygiene products, hand warmers, etc.)
  • Give $5 extra at a toll booth and tell them to apply it to as many cars as possible
  • Give $5 extra at Dunkin or Starbucks for the next person
  • Volunteer at a food bank, soup kitchen, homeless shelter, school, etc.
  • Donate to causes that you believe in
  • Donate clothing and household items to the Salvation Army or Goodwill
  • Volunteer at special events like Relay for Life, Special Olympics and community clean-ups
  • “Share” a friend’s  “new business” post
  • Take the time to listen to that long winded co-worker’s story instead of doing the army crawl around the building to avoid them
  • Send someone an email telling them what a great job they did
  • Ask an elderly person to tell you one of their proudest moments
  • Thank a police officer and other first responders for their work in the community
  • Post a public “thank you” to someone who has helped you in some way
  • Make a “Welcome” package for the new neighbor
  • Ask the new co-worker if they’d like to lunch with you
  • Give your bag of returnable cans and bottles to that person you see picking them up along the street every week
  • Visit the new business in town and try to help them succeed
  • Email the corporate office of a business letting them know you received great service from someone on their staff
  • Mentor a youth in need by becoming a Big Sister or Big Brother
  • Offer to do yard work for an elderly neighbor
  • Never pass up a kid’s lemonade stand…buy generously
  • Tell that pompous, know-it-all something you truly like and admire about them
  • Forgive someone’s crabby behavior and treat them nicely anyway
  • Volunteer at a local ESL (English as a Second Language) program or learn someone else’s language (Spanish, Sign, etc.)

Behavior is often contagious.  When someone treats you poorly, you are more likely to treat someone else poorly while in your pissy-place.  Yet, when someone treats you kindly, you are more likely to ‘pay it forward’.  In essence, like one stone creating many ripples in a pond, your act of kindness has the ability to (directly or indirectly) impact millions of people!!  If you spread it out over one year, that’s only once every other week. (Math whiz you ask? Why yes, yes I am!)

I’ll leave you with a quote I stumbled upon just before writing this post:

“The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.”    -Kalu Ndukwe Kalu

Will you use one of your 26 Random Acts here?  Please share some Random Acts you’ve committed in the comments section of this post.  You never know when you might inspire someone else.  

Looking for Fellow Conspirators…

With social media so rampant and news media able to communicate so quickly, information gets delivered at a much faster pace.  In the past, information came from the 6 o’clock news or the morning newspaper.  Now you can learn about any published report, from any corner of the world, in seconds.

This technological advancement comes at a cost.  First, there are many inaccurate reports, so you have to vet out the rumors and theories from the facts.  Secondly, you can support virtually any argument or belief.  This is great if you are trying to support the idea that there are more good people in the world, than bad.  This is depressing if you’re trying to support the idea that there are more bad people in the world, than good.

I believe that which we focus on, is our truth.  As I’ve stated in previous posts, I don’t want graphic pictures of abuse or neglect to assault my world.  It’s not that I doubt their existence; it’s simply that I don’t need to SEE it.  It only serves to add negativity to my world.  I CHOOSE to live in a place of light.  Dark may enter it, but I try to determine how much of that I allow in.

December 14th, 2012, and the days immediately following, were some of the darkest days I’ve ever experienced.  I and many of my former hometown classmates were devastated by the loss of 26 lives at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  In my grief, I immersed myself in anything related to this.  Online, TV, radio, I couldn’t miss one single detail.  In retrospect, this was an entirely unproductive exercise.  It helped catapult me from sorrow to depression.

Viewing these reports (some rumors, some theories, some true) caused me to see my world from a perspective that only served to ‘prove’ that bad things happen to good people.  What you focus on becomes your ‘truth’.  If you focus on the bad in this world, your perspective is going to view everything from this angle, which will make you feel anger and want to share that anger with others. Likewise, if you focus on the good in this world, your perspective will view things this way, which will make you feel good and want to share that goodness with others.

This mindset is not intended to encourage ignorance or oblivion.  You have to be smart and balanced, but if you continually view media that is negative, you will ‘live’ in a negative place.  There are more than enough reports to support conspiracy theories, but there is equal publicity on ‘do-gooders’ as well.

If your intent is to make a difference, focus on those areas where you can effect change.  Posting that Africa has starving children or the US has ‘crooked’ politicians does NOTHING, unless you back it up with peaceful, intelligent action and non-confrontational education.  Tell me how I can use good to improve those situations.  Making donations, writing to my representatives or any other positive actions I can take.

I’m all for awareness and protests and expression, but if your only form of action is posting it on social media or sharing your unsolicited views at the water cooler, than you haven’t really made any positive difference at all.  Do something positive and productive or shut the “F” up about it.  This sounds harsh and may erroneously imply that I’m unwelcoming to opposing views.  I would just rather pay attention to those good aspects of this planet, and if I feel passionately about a negative, I will do my part to improve it by taking peaceful action.

Won’t you ‘conspire’ with me to do, and spread, goodness and positivity?  Tell me what YOU are doing to make a difference.  Perhaps instead of focusing on how the wealthiest country in the world has such a high homeless population, you can tell us about volunteering at the food bank.  You get the idea.  Comment and share the action you’re taking to make this world a better place.

The Occasional Vegan

To commemorate Earth Day, I thought I would post an alternate way to honor and respect this round thing we call “home”.  Once upon a time, I was a full-time Vegan.  I lost weight, I felt good and I learned a lot!  Veganism is neither a cult nor a religion, it is simply a lifestyle.  While many Vegan’s are very passionate about their lifestyle, they are not praying to the god of tomatoes.  Furthermore, some can be a bit outspoken about debunking the myths of Veganism, but that’s likely because they have heard the question, “but where do you get your protein?” a gazillion times already! Lemme give a quick rundown for those unfamiliar with the basic premise: Vegans do not eat any animal products.  This includes meat, chicken, pork, seafood, eggs and dairy products.  Instead, their plates are filled with veggies, fruits, legumes and grains.

Here are three main reasons people typically choose to become Vegan:

1-     They love animals and respect their right to live & die naturally

2-     They want to eat in a more healthful way

3-     They want to respect Mother Earth

Let’s talk about good ol’ Number 3 today.  So what, you ask, does being a Vegan have to do with Mama Earth?  I thought you’d never ask.  Some factoids you probably didn’t know include:

  • Factory farming (where traditional meat products, dairy and eggs come from) is incredibly detrimental to the environment
  • The methane from all the gas passed by 10 billion animals a year is directly responsible for global warming (ewwww!)
  • The urine and feces from these animals pollute and contaminate our soil and water (double ewwww!)
  • See more info below from www.CulinarySchools.org

There are numerous facts and research papers to support the benefits of going Vegan, however, proposing an all-or-nothing type of lifestyle works for very few of us and quite frankly is likely what gave Veganism the cult or religion stereotype in the first place.

So I propose being an Occasional Vegan.  That’s what I am now.  While some of my meals include dairy, eggs and seafood, I regularly create meals that are Vegan.  One meal a week can make a difference; one full day of meals a week, an even bigger difference.  But do what’s comfortable for you and your family, every little bit helps. As an adult, you can feel good knowing you’re providing a healthy, nutritious meal for yourself and family.  There are also many great opportunities for family discussion on the topic.  While I hope, over time, you’ll increase the fruits and veggies portion on your plate and decrease the animal products, this doesn’t HAVE to be an all-or-nothing lifestyle.  To help get you started, I’ve included a few of my favorite recipes that I encourage you to try.  Don’t be fooled by the claims that state that a particular Vegan dish tastes just like its non-Vegan counterpart.  It likely doesn’t.  But introducing an entirely new flav to your weekly dishes is super cool!  Just like Thai and Mexican are fun themes for food, now you can add Vegan dishes too!  Not only are they healthier, but it’s a great way to appreciate that big ol’ Mama of all Mama’s!  Happy Earth Day!!  And if you have some favorite earth-friendly recipes, c’mon now…share-nice in the comments section!

Breakfast:

Scrambled Tofu

  • 1T olive oil
  • 3 scallions finely chopped
  • 1 tsp minced garlic
  • 1 bell pepper diced
  • 1 pkg (16oz) firm or extra firm tofu (usually found in the produce section of your favorite supermarket)  ((drain water and remove from package.  Place tofu block on paper towels and wrap in dishtowels to absorb water.  Place heavy cookbook on top to help drain water for 20-30 minutes))
  • 1C spinach leaves, rinsed and patted dry
  • ½ tsp turmeric
  • 1 tsp cumin
  • ½ tsp paprika
  • 2T nutritional yeast (most health/natural food stores carry)
  • ¼ tsp salt
  • ¼ tsp pepper

Heat oil in sauté pan then add scallion and garlic and sauté for 2-3 minutes.  Add bell pepper and sauté till tender.

During the sauté, crumble tofu in a large mixing bowl using a fork, pastry cutter or your hands to create coarse crumbs that resemble scrambled eggs.  Add to sauté pan, stir and combine with scallions & pepper.

Add spinach, and all remaining seasonings and sauté an additional 7-9 minutes, stirring occasionally until tofu is bright yellow and heated through.  Season with salt and pepper.  Serve with toast and Earth Balance spread.  Serves 2-3.

Lunch/Appetizer:

Cuc-YUM-ber and Cream Cheese Sandwiches

  • 1 eight-oz container Tofutti nondairy cream cheese (most health/natural food stores carry)
  • 3T finely chopped chives
  • 2T finely chopped fresh dill (fresh is key here)
  • 2T finely chopped fresh mint (fresh is key here)
  • 1 cucumber peeled and thinly sliced
  • 1 pkg cocktail rye, wheat or pumpernickel bread (usually in the deli area)
  • ½ lb arugula
  • Salt and pepper to taste

Mix cream cheese with chives, dill and mint.  Dry cucumber slices between paper towels.

Spread a thin layer of cream cheese mix on each slice of bread.  Top every other slice with cucumbers and arugula and sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Cut each sandwich into a triangle and enjoy!  32 servings

Dinner:

Veggie & Bean Cassoulet (that’s French for yum)

  • 2T grapeseed or olive oil
  • 6T Earth Balance butter, divided
  • 2 leeks, thinly sliced
  • 1 celery stalk diced
  • 1 carrot peeled and diced
  • 1 minced garlic clove
  • 1.5T tarragon
  • 1T fresh minced thyme
  • 1T fresh sliced chives
  • 1 bay leaf
  • 3 cans white cannellini beans drained and rinsed
  • 1C veggie broth
  • ½ C panko breadcrumbs, divided
  • Salt and Pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350.  Heat oil and butter in large pot over med-hi heat.  Add leeks, celery, carrots and garlic and cook 5 mins, stirring occasionally.  Add thyme, chives and bay leaf and cook 5mins more.  Add tarragon, beans, veggie broth and ¼ cup of breadcrumbs.  Reduce heat and simmer for 20-25 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Season with S&P to taste.

Meanwhile, nuke remaining Earth Balance butter then mix with panko crumbs and set aside.

Pour veggie mix into a 13X9 baking dish, throw out bay leaf.  Cover loosely with foil and bake about 25 mins.  Remove foil and sprinkle with breadcrumb mix and cook til browned on top.  6 Servings.

 Side/Soup:

Corn Chow-it-down-Der

  • 2T olive or grapeseed oil
  • 1 small yellow onion chopped
  • ½ C chopped celery
  • 2 minced garlic cloves
  • 6 small gourmet red potatoes chopped into large chunks
  • 2 C corn (fresh or frozen)
  • 4 C veggie broth
  • 2 sprigs fresh thyme
  • 2 C almond milk (can substitute with soy)
  • 1T unbleached all-purpose flour
  • 3T water
  • 1 tsp salt
  • ½ tsp pepper

Heat oil in large saucepan and sauté onion and garlic about 4mins.  Add garlic and continue cooking for 30 seconds. Add potatoes, corn, broth, thyme and milk.  Simmer 20-25 minutes until potatoes are tender.

In small bowl, whisk flour and water til smooth.  Add to soup.  Simmer 5 more minutes.  Add S&P.  8 Servings.

 Dessert:

Perfect Parfait

  • 2 pts strawberries (preferably organic) quartered
  • 1 pt blueberries
  • 1 pt raspberries or blackberries
  • 1T lemon juice
  • 1 six-ounce container nondairy plain or vanilla yogurt (health/natural food stores)
  • 2T agave nectar (sweeter than honey, but honey is not a Vegan food)

Evenly divide fruit between 6 bowls or wine/champagne glasses, leaving 6 fruit pieces separate. Add lemon juice to each bowl or glass. Spoon yogurt on top and drizzle with agave nectar. Top with fruit piece. Serves 6.

The Limitations of “Labels”

“ADHD”, “Depression”, “Autism”, “Sensitive”, “Addict”, “Introverted”, etc.  Common labels, yes? However, labels are inherently limiting.  Sometimes a medical professional applies them, other times it is people we respect or look up to. Once that label is accepted, the tendency is to forfeit responsibility and control and accept defeat.  It’s like a big weight that’s been placed around your neck.  Take ADHD for example.  I have a colleague “Kevin”, who has been diagnosed with ADHD.  Here’s the thing:  This comes up in a confession-like statement in virtually every conversation we have.  He even commented that his medication hardly even works.  Well how crappy must Kevin feel each day knowing, not only that he’s often seen as loud and hyper by others, but that this is the improved effect of being medicated for the disorder.  If the watered down version of Kevin is annoying, what is the unmedicated version?  What if, instead, Kevin was “diagnosed” with being a highly creative, social creature that thrives in ever-changing environments but could benefit from some organizational tools?  What if Kevin just needed friendly reminders to lower his voice yet was rewarded for being caring and funny and interested in others?  Visually, do you think these two versions of Kevin would carry themselves differently?  One with shame, the other with pride?

Let’s take someone who has battled addiction.  Twelve-Step Programs are great, however, some addicts get stuck on Step 1: “We admitted we are powerless over the addiction.”  OK, great, but if the pole dancing on the tent pole of cousin Jane’s outdoor wedding in June wasn’t indicative, I could have told you that forever-ago! This is often followed by, “Well, addiction is a DISEASE!”  Oooohhhhhh, why didn’t you say so?? By ‘disease’ you mean, out of your control? Not your fault? Little you can do about it? I’m not saying there isn’t scientific evidence to support some labels and their limitations, however, they have a tendency to suck the control out of a situation.  I have a beautiful, wonderful, badass friend who has been diagnosed with several debilitating “disorders” and yet she could kick the butt of everyone I know on her WORST day! She doesn’t doubt the accuracy of the diagnoses, but she doesn’t allow them to drive her bus! They are uninvited passengers, but they are NOT the ones in control. They do not define who she is. Those unaware of her struggles would never know.  She inspires them to be their best selves as she leads them towards greatness.  She pushes them through emotional and physical limits to show them the power and control they have over their own bodies and minds.  She does this WHILE suffering the effects of her own labels.

When someone of authority, like a physician or specialist, gives us that label, it’s much easier to buy-in to all the limitations of it.  I mean it’s science, right? But nothing is more powerful than the mind and sheer will of a human being.  Why not focus on what you CAN do and not on what you (potentially) CAN’T?  Perhaps if you do things IN SPITE of the labels others have given, or rename it to reflect your strengths, you can conquer the world. Sound crazy? How about you throw that “Crazy” label out and replace it with “Bold”, doesn’t it immediately sound more possible?

Have you “conquered” a label and would like to inspire others? Leave a comment on this post, sharing your wisdom!  If you have a label that’s held you down and you don’t want to allow it full control any longer, send me a message on my “Contact Me” page and together we can find ways to take back the steering wheel of your life!  Don’t allow ANY label to define who you are.

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email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com