When it comes to personal development, true purpose and happiness there is one shift that will generate the most benefit (and, yes, change your life): Taking responsibility. This is not an easy thing to do. It is much easier (and feels better in the short-term) to blame others for our woes and put our attention there. But it’s much more beneficial for us to carry our own burdens. And not just carry them, but examine them. Turn them around, explore, investigate and analyze them. Work out those demons. The only way to do this is to own them.

When you own your piece of every situation, you take back control. One distinction I must make is this means taking responsibility for your OWN burdens. You cannot take control of someone else’s. Taking responsibility means taking responsibility for what you bring to every relationship, goal, experience and situation. You can’t control others and you certainly can’t control all the events that occur in your life, but you can control YOU and how you react to life’s many twists and turns.

The next question then is, How? How do we turn that mind shift into action? Here are 12 ways:

1. Focus on your strengths – During challenging times, we tend to focus on our shortcomings and weaknesses. A mindset on what we are lacking will not usually show us the best way out of a situation.
2. Be clear on your goal – Whatever the situation is, you have to have clarity around what you ultimately want to happen.
3. Focus on what you can do – It’s common to feel trapped in circumstances we are not in control of. However, there is almost always something we can do to improve any situation.
4. Consider your options – We tend to consider the two most obvious options. We can either do this or we can do that. But there are always more than two options. Consider all the possibilities.
5. They’re wrong, you’re right, so what – Spending a whole lot of time on how you’ve been wronged, shafted or victimized will do nothing to change your situation, no matter how right you may be. Being stuck in that thought pattern only leads to learned helplessness.
6. Change your view – Easier said than done, but when you consider other views of your situation, you may find a solution right out in the open. Imagine how various people in your life would view this situation. You don’t have to agree; you just want to try on their perspective.
7. Re–assess frequently – Look back on the steps you’ve made and determine what you did well, what could have gone better, and how you would handle it differently now. In other words, learn from your actions.
8. Get resourceful – Just because you’re taking responsibility, doesn’t mean you can’t call in reinforcements. Asking for help IS taking action.
9. Know the difference between ‘action’ and ‘perfection’ – When you take responsibility, you are stepping up to take action, not to be perfect. Trying to be perfect will get in the way of moving forward.
10. Mitigate your weaknesses – We all have them, but if they are taking power away from you, you need to take steps to strengthen them. (See #8)
11. Trust yourself – You have a ridiculous amount of knowledge and experience. You have the answers within, you just need to trust that and then seek them out. You’ve got this!
12. Know when to take the lesson and move on – When we take responsibility, it doesn’t mean we just keep showing up for the sake of showing up. After we’ve given what we feel is our best, we may have to take the lesson from a situation and move on. That’s not failure; that’s growth.

Share some goodness: what’s a situation in your life, that once you took control of your role in it, things changed for the better? Share in the comments section.

If you would like some support on designing and creating the life you desire, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of a complimentary strategy session!

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email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com 

How are your expectations shaping your world? We have all had experiences that have taught us something. Often, these lessons began in childhood and are reinforced time and time again. Then, as we get older, we start predicting the outcomes before they even happen.  This is because our brain naturally creates connections between events. We then take these connections and apply meaning to them (often with the help of others).

Sometimes these connections are helpful, such as understanding that jumping in water without knowing its depth, can be dangerous. Other times these connections are “power of suggestion” baggage.  For example, you expect someone is going to give you a hard time about returning something and there’s a good chance they will.  Could this be because you are putting off a defensive vibe that makes them want to challenge you? If you think kids these days are rude and without manners, you’re going to find that to be true more often than not. Is that actually true, or are you conveying disdain for this generation and they are just responding in kind?

The problem with this baggage of expectations is that you don’t just hide it away in a hall closet somewhere.  You hand those expectations out like candy on Halloween. For the recipient, it’s like getting a bruised Macintosh apple instead of that Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup they really wanted. The world is a blank screen waiting for us to project our expectations, beliefs, ideas, and even baggage, onto it.  If you find that you are often attracting less than kind people, dig deep to discover if you have those expectations. You may be projecting onto others, which will influence your experiences.

This reminds me of a long-told story:

A man gets off a train in a foreign country and sees an old man sitting by the entrance of a village. The traveler says to the man, “Old man, I’ve traveled far and wide. I’m weary and tired. Can you tell me if the villagers here are kind and welcoming?”  The old man replies, “Tell me first what kind of people you’ve encountered thus far.”  The traveler says, “Oh, I’ve met the lowest of the low. People who are selfish and unkind and care only about themselves without regard to travelers like me.” The old man replies, “I’m sorry to say, but those are exactly the type of people you will find here in this village.” The traveler turned and went in another direction.

Days later, another traveler gets off a train and also approaches the old man and says, “Dear sir, I’ve traveled far and wide. I’m weary and tired. Can you tell me if the villagers here are kind and welcoming?” The old man replies, “Tell me first what kind of people you’ve encountered thus far.”  The traveler says, “Oh, I’ve met the kindest most helpful and generous people who are willing to sacrifice their own needs to assist a stranger such as me.” The old man replies, “I’m happy to say, those are exactly the type of people you will find here in this village.”

See what “baggage” can do? Perspective is so much more important than many of us realize. Now ask yourself, what kind of “traveler” you are. Think of how you would describe those in your personal and professional life. If you’re expecting the bad, you will likely find it. If you’re expecting the good, well, you’ll likely find that, too. Question your assumptions and look for the people who will light you up, and don’t forget that “someone” may be the one in the mirror. When you bring joy and kindness to others, you will attract similar people to your life. While this is easy when people are at their best, it’s more challenging, and more impactful, when they are at their worst, so use your patience, grace and kindness then.

Share something uplifting. What’s a positive expectation you usually have and find to be true more often than not? Share in the comments section.

If you would like some support on designing and creating the life you desire, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of a complimentary strategy session!

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email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com 

*This post was originally published in February 2016

Everyone is in a position to lead. While not everyone steps up to that potential, we all have it.  Some are leaders in the workforce, others in the home, still others at church, school or within clubs and organizations. Leadership is being criticized and redefined every day, but there are certain attributes of great leaders that are the foundation to any leadership style. Being a leader is a privilege and should be treated as such. Leaders can choose to use leadership only for their own advantage, but the exceptional ones use it in a way that benefits others. Below are my top 10 characteristics of great leaders (and, boy, does the world need more of these right now):

1. Leadership is Not a Title – Leaders know that a mindset of leadership is what allows others to view them as a person of influence, not a title.
2. Leaders of Self – Great leaders lead themselves first. They work on their individual goals with the same qualities they use to work on professional goals. They show self-control and discipline. This doesn’t mean they’re perfect, only that they are self-aware and can positively control their own behaviors.
3. Treat Others with Respect – Leaders treat others with respect regardless of title, influence, or beliefs. They may disagree, strongly even, but they do so respectfully and professionally.
4. Give Value – Great leaders are valuable contributors in all that they do. They do not wait for others to request it or praise it, they just lead and add value for the greater good. They are able to look at both the big picture and the details within that big picture, as well as the finer aspects that include individuals and the impact their contributions make on smaller groups.
5. Team-Focused – Leadership is an opportunity to utilize the individual strengths of the team in such a way that everyone succeeds. Great leaders pride themselves less on being great leaders and more on being great team builders. They don’t showboat their individual accomplishments, but they do celebrate those of the team.
6. Integrity – They have it or they don’t. There’s no half-way. Integrity is a daily decision. Mistakes may be made, but they are up front and honest about them and genuinely work to be better.
7. Earn It – No matter what their resume says or the number of personal and professional recommendations they have, they recognize that only their behavior will earn respect.
8. Action Takers – Listening is a valuable skill and one they use regularly, but they take action on new information and look to constantly improve themselves and their teams.
9. They Step Out – Leaders don’t hide. They step out and show their pride and their humility. They look others in the eye during shining moments and dark ones. They are transparent and willing to be vulnerable.
10. Opportunities & Continued Growth– They look for and appreciate opportunities to learn, grow and improve, even when they don’t like how these opportunities present themselves. They seek out perspectives in order to understand how they’re being viewed and work to improve in any area necessary. They strive for greatness, not perfection.

There you have it, my top 10 leadership characteristics. If all leaders strengthened and exhibited these qualities, we’d all be better for it. The best place to start is with ourselves.

Now I want to hear from you! Which of these 10 are you strongest in? Are their other qualities that you believe makes a great leader? Share all that and more in the comments – I want to know what YOU think.

If you would like some support on designing your life and strengthening your leadership skills, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of a complimentary strategy session!

If you’d like special offers, updates, and insider-only goodies, SUBSCRIBE to be a VIP! (It’s free and I won’t blow up your in-box!)

email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com 

Have you ever caught yourself complaining about your circumstances…the unfairness of it all? I know I’m guilty. There have been many times when I have become so wrapped up in my “story” that I wasn’t able to find my way out of it. These are dangerous places to be. This is being a victim, and no one likes being a victim…unless, of course, they do. I’m guilty of that, too. When I get wrapped up in my “stories,” I am living the life of a victim. I’m powerless and not taking action that will change my circumstances. While there may be truth to some of my story, swimming in the injustice of it all will change exactly nothing. I can honestly say that when I take responsibility for my role in every circumstance, I live a much happier and healthier life.

When we place our happiness in the hands of others, we are setting ourselves up to be a victim. This happens more than we think. Each time we place expectations on others, we are placing our happiness in their hands. When we focus so heavily on what others are doing instead of how we can react to it we are placing our happiness in the hands of others. It is only when we take responsibility for our own happiness that we can truly be happy.

If you’re playing cards and you’re dealt a crappy hand, you have three choices: you can carry on about how crappy your hand is; you can quit the game; or you can suck it up and play it to the best of your ability. While you may be right about how crappy your hand is, which version do you think you’ll be happiest in? In the first version, you may start bringing more “story” to your circumstances. You’re never lucky or the dealer set you up on purpose or other unhelpful tidbits that bring you further into victim status. If you quit the game there will be new, likely unpleasant, circumstances to face. In the play what you got version, you’re taking action to change your circumstances. You’re not attaching any particular meaning to the occasion – just a crappy hand that you’re going to do your best to play. Imagine if you reacted to all life’s “crappy hands” that way.

Taking responsibility is not easy. We have been creating stories and attaching meaning to our circumstances since childhood. Having an awareness is the first step. Pay attention to when you’re creating a story or being a victim. Try to quickly transition out of those and take action by being personally accountable to your own life. The added beauty of this is that you also don’t try to carry others’ responsibilities. You recognize that we all have to take responsibility for our own lives. You can’t carry the weight for other people. They have to deal with their own personal accountability.

This week, try to pay attention to your reactions to life’s circumstances. Instead of creating a story around the aggressive driver on your commute, understand he’s got to be accountable for his actions and you’ve got to be accountable for yours. That means you just carry on and drive like you know you should. Instead of whining about a challenging initiative at work, you figure out how to use your experience and skills to make it a success. Because you’re accountable for your piece of it, so make your piece shine.

Share in the comments section a time you took personal accountability for a crappy situation and how it helped you find greater happiness.

If you would like some support on becoming more personally accountable, then an Empowerment Session is for you! Take advantage of a complimentary strategy session!

If you’d like special offers, updates, and insider-only goodies, SUBSCRIBE to be a VIP! (It’s free and I won’t blow up your in-box!)

email April@AuthenticLifeChronicles.com