How to “Reset” Your Day

We’ve all had mornings where we hit every red light, every slow driver, every traffic jam, every computer issue, we had a spat with our partner, our kid had a meltdown, a client is being completely unreasonable, or any number of other challenges. After enough repeats of these types of incidents, we resolve that it’s just going to be one of those days. We resign ourselves to a bad day, which really becomes the power of suggestion in action – we expect bad things, we look for bad things, and the Universe mirrors these expectations.

A better way to approach a run of unfortunate events is to reset your day. Instead of just trying to survive it, start over. Here are 10 actions you can take to reset your day:

  • Take some deep breaths – proper breathing means your belly should expand, not your chest. Belly breathing ensures oxygen gets into the blood stream and is distributed throughout the body. It also releases endorphins (those ‘feel good’ hormones). Both of these perks reduce stress.
  • Give yourself a pep talk – You have your own inner coach, so engage with that aspect of your psyche and remind yourself that a few back-to-back challenges doesn’t have to mean a bad day – unless you let it.
  • Slow down – When we find ourselves chasing our daily tasks, rushing from one thing to the next, we can exacerbate our troubles by forcing ourselves to be so reactive. Get in a proactive state of mind. Slow down and try to plan a few aspects of your day. Write a to-do list, get your thoughts down on paper and collect yourself to take back control.
  • Get your blood pumping – Engage in a short interval of exercise. Jog in place, do some push-ups, run out to the car, go for a brisk walk, etc. All of these will get your heart rate up and stress level down.
  • Do a power pose – What the heck are these? Stand like Wonder Woman (or Superman), or sit like a cocky executive (hands clasped behind head, elbows out, feet up on the desk, and wear a cocky grin for good measure). 2 minutes will raise your endorphins and testosterone and lower your stress hormones. (c’mon, you could do this in a bathroom stall if you had to!)
  • Play music that gets you jazzed – Anthem songs were made for moments like these. These are the songs that if you’re in your car or kitchen, you crank it up and rock out! Any music of your choosing that gets you jazzed up and back in the game will do.
  • Visualize pressing a “Reset” button – Really, try it, what do you have to lose?
  • View some relaxing photos – It’s autumn, so there are plenty of beautiful New England trees changing colors, or maybe it’s looking at the photos of loved ones. Any photos that relax you or bring you joy will work.
  • Watch something funny – There is no end to the options on the internet intended to make you laugh. It could be unfortunate videos (that drunk aunt dancing on a table at a wedding), or just funny saying on Pinterest. There’s something for every kind of humor.
  • Watch animal videos – These are a dime a dozen, but seeing a cat sleeping in a dog bed while the dog sheepishly sleeps on the hard and cold wood floor is just a smile maker.

It’s easy to get swept up in our circumstances, especially when we are knee-deep in them. But we have to remember that we always have some level of control. Take back control of your day. You may not be able to control every circumstance, but you can control how you react to them. Even just an attitude adjustment is often all you need to get back on the rails of a good, productive day. If all else fails, rest on the thought that “this too shall pass.”

Your turn! Tell me which one of these is your favorite or that you’re most excited to try. Put it in the comments section!

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Are You Prepared for Good Things?

We all have goals and desires that we hope to accomplish. We think about how life would be if we had these. We focus on what we can do to achieve them. But there’s one area we may forget to focus on…ourselves. We make preparations to achieve our goals and acquire our desires, but the most important step is often forgotten: preparing ourselves to accept these into our life.

Consider who you have to become to be ready for, and deserving of, your hopes and dreams.

Take, for example, an average family winning the lottery. They’ve weathered many financial difficulties and were living paycheck to paycheck when luck struck and they found themselves with a whole lot of money virtually overnight. This, sadly, tends to be a fleeting reward. It isn’t long before they find themselves where they were before winning. Some statistics show that upwards of 70% of winners will lose all of their money within a few years. In fact, many will ultimately file bankruptcy. What gives? They weren’t ready. They didn’t have financial acumen before the winnings, and that sort of knowledge doesn’t come as quickly as the winning check does. Their friends and family were the same, their habits were the same, and their understanding of money was the same. Of course it would be a matter of time before they lost it.

The same can be said for a relationship. You want the love of your life to show up. You want that person to be loving, smart, affectionate, honest, trustworthy, and any number of other wonderful things. Now take a look in the mirror. Could you improve yourself and become someone ready for that kind of relationship? Are there things you could change that would make you more desirable to that kind of a mate?

There are many areas and aspects of our life that impact whether we accomplish our goals and acquire our desires, or not. Think of a goal or desire you have. Now consider what you may have to change in the following areas to be ready:

  • Knowledge – Have you researched all the options available to you and how you could use them to your benefit? What do you need to know in preparation for achieving your goal? If your goal is to lose weight, you want to know not only how to lose it, but how to keep it off, right?
  • Inner Circle – Who are you hanging out with? We are a reflection of the people we associate with. If you want a committed, loving relationship, but your immediate friends are in unhappy relationships or only looking for the occasional hook-up, are you really preparing yourself for a deep and meaningful relationship?
  • Time – Are you putting the time in? If you want to make more money, but your time investment consists of going out of your way to stop and buy a lottery ticket, are you really ready for the potential winnings? Perhaps your time would be better spent meeting with a financial advisor…
  • Attitude – Have you done the inner work necessary so that you have an attitude that clearly shows you are ready and deserving? You have to believe it for yourself, first.
  • The Wanna – Is the goal truly your own? You have to really want to achieve your goal in order to get it, or be fulfilled by it. If those around you have led you to believe that climbing the corporate ladder is the way to go, but deep in your heart you want to start your own business, you will either sabotage your career or successfully climb that ladder while feeling wholly unfulfilled.
  • Habits – Are your regular habits contributing to your success or your failure? How we behave everyday will have a greater impact on our ultimate success than one big change would. In the long-term anyway. If you want to feel energetic and vibrant naturally, but your habits include multiple sugar-laden coffees, late nights and early mornings, and processed foods, you are going to be hard-pressed to find a healthy version of energy until you change those habits.

While you’re striving for and working towards achieving your hopes and dreams, make sure you take the time to prepare yourself and make any necessary changes so that you are ready when they come true!

Which of these 6 areas do you think would be the easiest to work on? Which one would be the most difficult? Share your comments in the comments section. I LOVE hearing from you!!

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Finding What You’re Looking For

At times we question it, but in life, we really do find what we are looking for. If you’re looking for love, you’re going to find it. If you’re looking for money, you’re going to find it. If that seems completely unbelievable to you, read on. Have you ever heard the phrase, “to a hammer, everything’s a nail”? That’s it — that’s how it works. Allow me to explain.

Our brains have a lot of control over our actions. No duh, right? But we are not always (or often) consciously aware of the choices our brains are making on our behalf. Think of your brain like a large corporation. You’re the CEO, but you have many others working for you (like memories, experiences, attitudes, fears, and more). They make decisions and provide information to you so that you can make even bigger decisions. Added to all of this is the brain’s desire to connect things.

Let’s put all of this into an example that I think we all can relate to:

FACT: You want to have more money.

MEMORY: Remember all those times you invested a good sum of money into network marketing opportunities, but ultimately you gave up with less money in your pocket?

EXPERIENCES: You’ve seen people hustle, hustle, hustle to make money. They sacrifice their family, health and time and put in ridiculous hours. Sure their house is nice, but at what cost?

ATTITUDES: Money can do some pretty messed up things to people. They forget where they come from. They put money before everything else. It’s like they say, money is the root of all evil.

FEARS: What if your kids start thinking that money isn’t something you have to work for? What if your friends and family start thinking that money is more important to you than anything else?

Now let’s say you have an opportunity to take on a big position with big pay for a start-up company. Your brain very quickly accesses all the data from your memories, attitudes, etc. Based on the information above, it’s pretty reasonable to expect that you are going to turn down that opportunity. Bottom line: you may want more money, but you are “looking” for all the reasons you’re not going to get it. Not consciously, of course, as your brain connects all of this data and outputs a decision. A scenario like this can play out in just a few seconds.

If you want love, but have all this “baggage” and skepticism, your brain is going to make connections and look for all the reasons you are RIGHT to be skeptical. If you think the world we live in is more dangerous than ever, your brain will prove this to be true by LOOKING for information to support that belief. If you worry that people will try to make a fool out of you, you will seek out evidence that feeds that worry.  This is very common in relationships. One person may be considering ending the relationship, but they feel bad about it. They don’t want to be the “bad guy.” So they start noticing every annoying little habit of their partner to “prove” why they shouldn’t stay together, thus making it the other person’s fault. Your brain will pull all data that supports this. Our brain makes every effort to make us right.

Some call this the law of attraction, the power of suggestion, projecting onto others, negativity, self-sabotage, and the result of mirror neurons. It doesn’t matter what you call it: Seek and ye shall find!

What if you don’t like this pattern and you want to change it, but you can’t change your memory, past experiences, attitudes, or fears? I’d argue about the attitudes and fears, but ultimately you can quickly change what you’re looking for. If you know what you want (money, love, weight loss, life balance, a positive attitude, etc.) you can find it.

  • Start looking for evidence of where this is going right or already exists in your life
  • Recall memories and experiences of times you were able to get what you wanted
  • Think of ways you may be preventing this from happening in your life right now
  • Recognize what you have learned from past experiences
  • Focus on finding what you want and proving that it’s possible to get it

Both success and failure leave clues. That’s what gives retrospect its 20/20 vision. Use this information to find what you want, instead of using it to find what you don’t want. This doesn’t mean you ignore all the important information and only find the good stuff. You have to use all your available resources, but neuroplasticity shows that what you think and feel and how you behave habitually, can change your mindset. There are plenty of examples out there to prove you truly can find what you want, you just have to look for them.

Your turn! What’s something that once seemed out of your reach, but appeared when you opened up to the possibility? Share in the comments section.


Choosing the Kind of Day You’d Like to Have

Wouldn’t it be nice to choose what kind of day to have? As if we’d pick anything other than Great!! But believe it or not, that’s very often exactly what we do. We CHOOSE to have a less than great day. We contribute to every situation in our life. In every facet of it, we have control. Maybe not total control, but we always have some. That’s true in our career, relationships, health, and any other area. We obviously can’t control everything that happens, but we can control much of how we react to it. And it all starts with our attitude.

Your attitude is simply a reflection of what you are thinking and/or feeling inside, and how that is expressed through your language, tone and/or body language. Think of someone who is playful, smiling, and laughing. They are expressing a positive attitude. Now think of someone who is dreading a meeting they don’t want to go to, they don’t see why they have to go and it’s just going to be a waste of their time. Do you think they will reflect this in their attitude? You better believe it. In both scenarios, those individuals are choosing the kind of day they want to have. Of course there are situations that make it difficult to express anything other than how we are feeling, like when we’ve lost someone we love. I’m not talking about those extreme, highly emotional times. I’m talking about just our average day-to-day stuff.

An example that comes to mind is a time I was copied on an email that I thought was unprofessional, crass, abrasive, and self-serving. There was no response required from me, I was just witnessing it. I was burnt up over this email for two days. Every time I thought of it I’m sure my blood pressure went up, I would rant about it for several minutes in my head, thinking how idiotic the sender was. Then I thought about how I could address it with them. What I might say to this errant person who clearly needed a talking to. And then it occurred to me…what was I getting so fired up about? The email certainly could have been written with more class and tact, but it wasn’t written with the intent to create this reaction. And even if it was, there was no need to let it ruin my day. So guess what? With a little effort, I let it go. Just like that. Once I realized I was blaming someone else for ruining my day, and unnecessarily so, I changed my tune and turned that attitude around. This is choosing what kind of day to have.

When we recognize that we have a choice, it changes things. That tailgater? It’s not personal, they always do that. The slow car in the fast lane? They aren’t even paying attention. This list could go on and on, but you get the idea. Letting these annoying things dictate what kind of day you’re going to have is just a bad plan. One way to improve this is to quiz yourself. Marshall Goldsmith talks about this in his book, Triggers. He uses questions each day to assess how he did. The first three are from him.

  • Did I do my best to be happy in my life today?
  • Did I do my best to build positive relationships in my life today?
  • Did I do my best to be fully engaged in my life today?
  • Did I do my best to take control and live a life by MY design today?
  • Did I do my best to add value to others today?
  • Did I do my best to let the little stuff go?

This daily self-assessment can really make a difference with your circumstances and your attitude. Some days will be better than others, but that’s okay. Just do your best. So tell me, what do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments section. What do you do to make your days good days?




Small Habits Make a Big Difference

When we have an area in our life that we want to improve on, there are two common missteps we take that squash our efforts. The first is envisioning the difficulty. We start thinking of how hard and seemingly impossible it would be to achieve that goal. The second misstep is biting off more than we can chew, and completely rearranging our life to achieve the goal. Both of these result in an unachieved or unsustained goal. This is discouraging and results in some pretty negative self-talk whenever we are reminded of it. Let’s unpack these for a moment before I share the small fix that makes a big impact to combat them.

When we have a goal, before we even start working towards it, we imagine what we might have to do to achieve it. And in just a few short seconds, we have imagined the virtual impossibility of making that goal a reality. It may be the effort we think we’d have to put in, or the length of time we think we would have to work at it. But often, it’s just the thought that keeps us from taking action. For example, if you wanted to lose 20lbs, you think how nice it would be, but then you picture having to get up early (when you already don’t get enough sleep) to workout. You’d also have to skip sugars and carbs like all.the.time. Your BFF’s are getting together for a dinner in a few weeks, so you’d have to drink water and eat a salad? No thanks! If I want to be miserable, I’d rather be miserable being 20lbs heavier and eating what I want, thank you very much! This is what happens when we envision the difficulty.

If you are able to dodge this goal-crusher, worry not, its cousin is just around the corner. In this scenario, you are beyond excited and motivated to achieve your goal. You have an aggressive plan of attack. You are going to annihilate that goal. In the example of the 20lbs, you are going to workout every day for at least one hour. You will sign up for multiple classes: cycling, yoga, core work, and kettle bells. No sugar, no carbs, no gluten, no dairy. Protein, protein, protein. You will exhibit the most impressive will power anyone has ever seen. Sounds great, and may even work for a little while, but eventually, you are going to hit a wall. Hard. You will be so exhausted from working so hard, sacrificing so much, that you will have nothing left. And so, the wall will win, you will feel defeated and sooth yourself with a gallon of ice cream, a bottle of wine, and/or some cheesy garlic bread. This is the result of biting off more than you can chew (pun intended).

There is a much better way to achieve our goals and maintain them. Ready? It’s by implementing small habits. I know, you’re thinking it will take too long to achieve your goal this way. However, our small habits are so much more powerful than we think. This goes for both good and bad ones. If you get into the habit of watching TV every night after dinner, this can lead to snacking on unhealthy treats, and falling asleep too early, which disrupts your sleep during the night, leaving you tired the next day. This lack of sleep can lead to sugar and carb cravings and over-consumption of coffee. The cycle will gradually worsen unless a healthier habit is developed. All from one, seemingly harmless, habit of watching TV after dinner.

Switch that with a good habit and the story changes dramatically. Instead of TV, start walking for 30 minutes every night after dinner. This gives you some energy to make a healthy lunch for work the next day. You sleep better through the night, and eat better the next day. Before you know it, you are walking up to an hour most days (because you want to), losing weight and toning muscles. Your pre-made lunches are healthy and save you money each week. All from one small habit change.

The key to the change is making the habit so small and achievable that it isn’t difficult to see yourself doing it for, well, maybe forever. Healthier habits will follow down the road, and you will welcome them instead of seeing them as a chore. Pretty cool, right? For you finance buffs out there, this is compounding in action. This process works in business, health, parenting, and relationships. It works for anything. It’s all about the small habits; the small changes.

If you read last week’s post, you know ACTION is the name of the game! What is ONE small habit you could start doing that could put you on the path to goal achievement? If you’re a whiz at this, share the small steps that have proven successful for you already. Post them in the comments section.

Nothing conquers a goal faster than some reinforcements.

If you are REALLY ready to make that change you’ve been thinking about, let’s strategize together. I offer a free Empowerment Session to my readers.

Email me at to set up your session.

Why We Don’t Need More Information

We live in an information-rich world. We can find out just about anything with our friend, Google. As much as I love Google, he isn’t what I need more of in my life. At least not when it comes to getting stuff done. We all have goals, even if they’re just rolling around our mind like marbles in a jar. There are things we want to accomplish; maybe even need to accomplish. We may want to improve a relationship, lose a few pounds, run a marathon, or get a better job. One thing is certain: more information is not going to get those goals accomplished.

We can all get stuck in Analysis Paralysis. We research the heck out of topics and just keep adding to our wealth of knowledge and information on them. Where we need to actually spend our time is in the DOING. You can read every bit of information that’s ever been published on relationships, but until you take action and start doing the work to improve a relationship, nothing is going to change. That goes for all of our goals. Even if you take the wrong path at first, it is much easier to change course while you’re in motion than when you’re at a standstill. (Have you ever tried turning the steering wheel of parked car?)

If you really want to accomplish your goal, then you need a little less information, a little more action, please. (I think Elvis would be okay with my play on his lyrics here!) Here are 5 steps to get you started:

Write down your goal – Letting your goals roll around your mind makes them harder to focus on. I mean, let’s be honest, there’s a lot rolling around up there already.

Write down why you want to accomplish it – Don’t skip this step! You have to have a compelling reason that is pretty heavy and serious to remind you why you want to push through the difficult parts of accomplishing it. This should be a very emotional statement.

When do you want to accomplish it by – Set a deadline. Write it on the calendar. Be realistic, but stretch yourself a little bit.

Commit to something every day – It is often our habits (not the good ones) that got us to the place of wanting to achieve this goal. So it’s important to create new habits (the good kind) to help us achieve this goal. You don’t have to commit to something that’s too big, start small if you can. For example, if you want to lose 20lbs, but haven’t done any form of exercise in 5 years, you could commit to walking for 30 minutes every day, rain, sleet, snow or hail. You can up the commitment later, just pick something for now.

Get support – You will eventually need some encouragement to keep on, keepin’ on. Sometimes you’ll need a cheerleader, other times an accountability partner, and maybe even a drill sergeant on occasion. Don’t do this all alone. If you can find a buddy who has the same goal, great, but even if you don’t, there are people in your life who are more than willing to help you achieve your goal.

Once you have done these steps, it’s time to take action! If your goal was to get a better job in 9 months, and one of your steps was to join some networking groups, then send an email to someone in the group NOW, letting them know you’re interested. If you want to run a marathon, go buy some cool new sneakers to train in, NOW. Setting yourself up for small wins is a huge part of staying motivated. Each time you take action, it’s a small win (and maybe even a big win!)

Share your thoughts in the comments section.

There are so many more tips, tools, and techniques that could make the difference for you. If you would like to work on creating a much more customized plan while getting regular support, I encourage you to reach out for a free Empowerment Session with me. This counts as taking action, too (in a really big way!!)

Send me an email at and I’ll send you my schedule to select your session.

Common Distractions That Can Cause More Harm Than Good

We all have defense mechanisms that kick into gear when we are faced with emotional pain, stress, and even those little things we just don’t want to do. This is just part of the human experience. For hundreds of years, people have dealt with pain, stress and undesirable tasks. The difference is, we have a lot more ways to distract ourselves from them today, and many of these ways are really, really bad for us.

There is a big difference between taking a short break from reality and altering our consciousness on a regular basis. We have all stuck our head in the sand to avoid dealing with something that made us uncomfortable. A glass (or three) of wine after a tough week, some retail therapy after a heated disagreement with our partner, or some good-old-fashioned smack-talking with our nearest and dearest. We all need a break sometimes, and escaping reality in these situations is, well, reality.

So what’s the issue? The issue is when we rely on unhealthy behaviors for an extended period of time. While there are some superstars out there who go for a long, sweat-inducing run to relieve their stress, there are many more who choose less beneficial measures.

Here is a list of some of the most common methods people use to escape pain and stress:

  • Alcohol/drugs
  • Smoking
  • Coffee
  • Food
  • Sugar
  • Television/Movies
  • Surfing the web
  • Social Media
  • Over-filled schedule
  • Shopping/Purchases
  • Exercise
  • Online games
  • Gambling

Smoking, drinking, and sex have been around for quite some time, so I think it’s safe to say we are all aware of these options. We are also aware of people who have used these methods in excess which endangered their health and well-being. All of the above, used in large quantities and/or over an excessive period of time, can be very bad for our health.

I invite you to self-assess and ask yourself:

  • What method(s) of escape do you use when you’re stressed and pained?
  • How frequently have you been using that method (every day, a couple times a month, etc.?)?
  • Is it becoming, or could it become, a problem for you?

Everything in moderation, of course, but is drinking several glasses of wine every night possibly a sign of escape? Could the four hours of primetime television shows most nights of the week be a form of distraction?

When we rely on behaviors to distract us from life, we are stopping our growth.

There is no judgment here, and I’m not going to follow-up this list with a host of activities you should participate in instead. You know what’s healthy and right for you. You don’t need me or anyone else to tell you that. But is it possible that you need to work through whatever situation you are avoiding? Is there something on your mind that seems so daunting and overwhelming that you would rather ignore it a little longer than begin the rigorous process of dealing with it? Is there a weight on your heart, or on your mind that you fear is too heavy to handle?

I encourage you to talk to someone. We so commonly address the symptoms (addiction, weight gain, loss of energy, etc.) instead of the underlying cause. Sometimes you know exactly what you’re trying to avoid, and other times, you are so tangled in your own thoughts and feelings, you can’t pinpoint it. All of this is part of the human experience, too. But you are much more empowered to do something about it than our ancestors were hundreds of years ago.

If you are unhappy with the answers you gave to the above questions, I encourage you to take advantage of the complimentary 30-minute phone Empowerment Session I offer. Calling in some support and reinforcements will make the issue your avoiding a whole lot more manageable. You will leave the call with clarity, hope and solid steps to start living a life by design.

Email me at to let me know you’d like to set up your Empowerment Session. I’ll send you my calendar openings reserved for these free offerings. (Please keep in mind that I only have a limited number of complimentary sessions each week, so email me right away for the earliest availability.)


Clearing the Clutter in Your Life

We accumulate many “things” throughout life. Some of these things are in physical form, like clothes, gadgets, knick-knacks and papers. Others are non-physical, like memories, feelings, hobbies, habits and beliefs. Still others are both, like the people in our lives. Everything we collect serves a purpose for us in some way. Sometimes we need these things for a very long time and sometimes only for a short time. Just like in our homes, if we have too much “stuff” in our life that doesn’t add value and simply takes up space, we can feel overwhelmed and stressed.

I recently read, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, by Marie Kondo. In it, she shares her process for eliminating clutter from your home. I encourage you to read it, but I will share the two main take-a-way’s I was left with:

  1. Keep only those things that bring you joy
  2. Get rid of anything that doesn’t bring you joy, but before you do, thank it for providing for you at one time

She has a very specific order for going through your things. For example, the first category to go through, is clothing. The very last category is sentimental things. Her reasoning is that we have less of an emotional attachment to clothing and can more quickly determine which items bring us joy and which ones no longer do. Once we have a clear feeling of what truly brings us joy versus what we have held onto only because it once brought us joy, we can more easily separate items to keep and those to get rid of.

While she was referring solely to physical items, the two rules could just as easily apply to non-physical things, too, like your memories, feelings, hobbies, habits, and beliefs. Are you hanging on to some of these even though you don’t need them anymore? For example, did you get emotionally detached following a bad breakup years ago, but now it’s negatively effecting your current relationships because your guard is always up?  Maybe you’re not even aware of some beliefs that you’ve had since childhood. Perhaps they served you then, but you no longer need them as an adult. Kids who were taught to be people-pleasers may find themselves feeling taken advantage of in adulthood. Letting go of the need to please all people can help them acquire more joy in their lives. Do certain memories or feelings (like a grudge), take up space in your thoughts but don’t really benefit you anymore? Consider any that seem to be causing you some trouble now.

You can follow this process with the people in your life, but do so cautiously. Obviously, dealing with people is a much more delicate process than when dealing with objects. We don’t keep people in our lives simply because they do something for us, however, they should bring more joy to our lives than not. Toxic relationships don’t bring joy; they bring emotional clutter.

Do the joy check each day and consider if you have any clutter in your life that needs to be taken out. By regularly checking in with yourself, you will be able to make decisions that add joy to your life. Having a ready supply of joy helps us through life’s many challenges.

What “stuff” in your life brings you the most joy? Share in the comments section!

Do you have so much clutter in your life that you don’t even know where to begin? Are you feeling overwhelmed and stuck and just wish you knew how to turn things around?

If you truly want more joy in your life… a LOT more, then It’s time to take action. Email me at to set up your FREE strategy session. You will leave the session with a greater sense of hope and empowerment, guaranteed!

The One Mind Shift That Will Change Your Life

When it comes to personal development, true purpose and happiness there is one shift that will generate the most benefit (and, yes, change your life): Taking responsibility. This is not an easy thing to do. It is much easier (and feels better in the short-term) to blame others for our woes and put our attention there. But it’s much more beneficial for us to carry our own burdens. And not just carry them, but examine them. Turn them around, explore, investigate and analyze them. Work out those demons. The only way to do this is to own them.

When you own your piece of every situation, you take back control. One distinction I must make is this means taking responsibility for your OWN burdens. You cannot take control of someone else’s. Taking responsibility means taking responsibility for what you bring to every relationship, goal, experience and situation. You can’t control others and you certainly can’t control all the events that occur in your life, but you can control YOU and how you react to life’s many twists and turns.

The next question then is, How? How do we turn that mind shift into action? Here are 12 ways:

  1. Focus on your strengths – During challenging times, we tend to focus on our shortcomings and weaknesses. A mindset on what we are lacking will not usually show us the best way out of a situation.
  2. Be clear on your goal – Whatever the situation is, you have to have clarity around what you ultimately want to happen.
  3. Focus on what you can do – It’s common to feel trapped in circumstances we are not in control of. However, there is almost always something we can do to improve any situation.
  4. Consider your options – We tend to consider the two most obvious options. We can either do this or we can do that. But there are always more than two options. Consider all the possibilities.
  5. They’re wrong, you’re right, so what – Spending a whole lot of time on how you’ve been wronged, shafted or victimized will do nothing to change your situation, no matter how right you may be. Being stuck in that thought pattern only leads to learned helplessness.
  6. Change your view – Easier said than done, but when you consider other views of your situation, you may find a solution right out in the open. Imagine how various people in your life would view this situation. You don’t have to agree; you just want to try on their perspective.
  7. Reassess frequently – Look back on the steps you’ve made and determine what you did well, what could have gone better, and how you would handle it differently now. In other words, learn from your actions.
  8. Get resourceful – Just because you’re taking responsibility, doesn’t mean you can’t call in reinforcements. Asking for help IS taking action.
  9. Know the difference between ‘action’ and ‘perfection’ – When you take responsibility, you are stepping up to take action, not to be perfect. Trying to be perfect will get in the way of moving forward.
  10. Mitigate your weaknesses – We all have them, but if they are taking power away from you, you need to take steps to strengthen them. (See #8)
  11. Trust yourself – You have a ridiculous amount of knowledge and experience. You have the answers within, you just need to trust that and then seek them out. You’ve got this!
  12. Know when to take the lesson and move on – When we take responsibility, it doesn’t mean we just keep showing up for the sake of showing up. After we’ve given what we feel is our best, we may have to take the lesson from a situation and move on. That’s not failure; that’s growth.

Share some goodness: what’s a situation in your life, that once you took control of your role in it, things changed for the better? Share in the comments section.

Is there too much noise around you to do this alone? Do you feel inundated with circumstances, situations, and people who are making you feel powerless? Help is one short email away. Drop me a line at and we’ll schedule a complimentary consult that will leave you feeling empowered and hopeful!

Are You Stuck in the Planning Place?

Planning is important, sure. There are all sorts of things in life that are better with planning, but too often we can get stuck there. Especially if the next step requires leaving our comfort zone. We tend to over-value the need for planning, and under-value our resourcefulness. I bet you know a couple who didn’t plan on getting pregnant but it happened. I bet they figured it out. How about when a major, expensive car repair becomes necessary? We figure it out. We either figure out how to come up with the money, or we figure out how to do without the car.

What area of your life is stuck in the Planning Place? You KNOW you aren’t happy where you’re at in this area, and yet you fool yourself into thinking that just because you did a Google Search, made a phone call, tossed it around in your mind, or mentioned something about it, that you’ve just got to wait now until the “right” answer presents itself. Or maybe you are actively planning and trying to prepare and consider every conceivable outcome before you decide which path to take. Enough is enough. You have to make a move.

Have you ever been detoured while driving and for whatever reason not only were there no signs to direct you, but you didn’t have a GPS to help you find your way back to your route? I’m willing to bet, you found your way to your destination. You may have even taken a wrong turn. You may have even had to ask someone for directions. Or stop and turn on Google maps. Or you took the really, really, realllllly long way there. But you got there. Because you’re resourceful. Would you have gotten there if you just stopped the car and considered every other possible route? NO. You would not have made any progress getting there until you started moving the vehicle again.

Planning, in and of itself, does not move you forward. It is only when you ACT on your planning that movement begins. You have to start moving. You can’t possibly plan for everything anyway. And you don’t have to do this alone. There are resources everywhere, but no one can make the first move but you. If you’re unhappy with your health, DO something about it. Doing is different from Planning. There is a good chance that whatever the end result is that you are considering, there are a whole bunch of small steps you would need to take before you got there anyway.

If you want to learn how to ride a bike, you could read a manual about it. This could be the best manual ever made on the topic. It covers everything you would ever need to know about riding a bike. But until you RIDE the bike, you will not be any closer to the end result of being an experienced bike rider. Take a small step. You can adjust as you go, but you’ve got to go. Life is way too short to spend it planning, and never doing. There are so many possibilities out there. There is not just one path to Happiness. There are many, many paths. Chose one and if you have to alter your course later because you don’t like the one you’re on, you’ll do that.

How about you share some successes? What’s an action you took at some point in your life that truly changed your path and resulted in a positive outcome? Share in the comments section.

Do you need a resource to help nudge you out of the Planning Place and into Action? That’s my Jam! Email me at to set up your FREE strategy session. It’s time for you to take back your power!!